|
Time to Give a Good Crotch Kicking |
|
|
|
|
|
I am full of hostility today. Something about watching yet another stupid Oiler loss on Saturday. It's one thing to lose...the Oilers are, after all, in the beginning years of a rebuild, so the fans expect more loses than wins...but losing ugly? Why has it been for the last three seasons that the Oilers hit January and half the team stops playing? Losing 3-2 close games is fine; losing 6-2 games where only two or three Edmonton players appear to care is infuriating.
I need to do something with all of my pent-up hostility towards the team. What actually would make me feel better would be, I don't know, a trade or two that moves out some of the bad attitudes and brings in young players who will help us eventually...but this is the Oilers we're talking about. It just wouldn't be an NHL season for the Oilers if things actually went right instead of horribly wrong.
Since most of my readers fall into that 16-25 year-old male category, I will vent my frustration and unhappiness in a way my average reader can relate to. The following people, according to me, deserve a good crotch kicking, because they are ruining what should be a happy year in the life of the Edmonton Oilers.
Terry Paranych - Real Estate Guy
Crime: Naming Stuff
Not so long ago, the Oilers built a nice new "broadcast center" for their media. I don't know who owns the facility, but the owner sold the name. Who bought it? Real Estate guy Terry Paranych. Because I don't live directly in Edmonton, I had no idea who Paranych was for a long time. When I first heard Oilers broadcasts and interviews come from the "Terry Paranych Broadcast Centre", I assumed he was a storied and honored part of Edmonton's sports media history. Nope. He's just some guy who paid the most to name the place. That annoys me. Name it the John Short Broadcast Centre, or Rod Phillips Broadcast Centre. Have a little pride.
Oilers DJ Guy
Crime: He's Awful
Why, oh why am I hearing all of this bad Euro-Techno at hockey games? It's a good thing the team can't score goals anymore, because the goal song is completely terrible. And it's the same stuff being played game, after game, after game. DJ's are suppose to know lots about music. Mix it up a bit. And keep in mind the Oilers play in Edmonton, not Bratislava.
Shawn Horcoff - Oilers Center
Crime: Killing Plays
I was at the Ducks game a week ago, and I had three teachers sitting behind me. "Ever notice how offensive chances always die on Horcoff's stick?" one asked his friends. Yep, we've noticed it. Horcoff is either the Oilers best lousy player or worst good player; I still can't figure out which. His uses? A face-off guy, a shut-down center and a penalty killer. He doesn't belong in the Top 6. I know he's paid Top 6 money, but he doesn't belong on the ice during offensive situations. How many seasons of watching Horcoff fumble the puck does it take before Oilers coaches get it?
Eric Belanger - Oilers Center
Crime: Out-Horcoffing Horcoff
Just what the Oilers needed: A second center who can win face-offs and play D, but kill absolutely every offensive chance. People have done things like rip on Ales Hemsky and Magnus Paajarvi for their lack of production. Just look at who they're being put on the ice with. It explains plenty.
Tom Renney - Head Coach
Crime: Being a Wuss
Get mad. Seriously, it's time. Ever watch a Renney post-game interview? "We worked hard. Had some bad bounces. Team is disappointed. We'll work on trying harder." Renney after the Flames game should have been throwing equipment at the players. He should have lost his voice from screaming at people, telling them to wake up. Renney's the wrong coach for this team because he's too nice. I've worked for maybe 20 bosses in my lifetime, and the best ones are always jerks. Why? Because they're not there to make friends. They're there to win. Finish first. Succeed. Renney's passive approach now comes off like apathy.
Steve Tambellini - General Manager
Crime: Being Full of Crap
In case you folks haven't already realized it, the plan never was for the Oilers to make the playoffs this season. Oh, I know Tambellini said it. Tambi has a little problem being honest about his team, his methods, or his intentions. He doesn't usually just come out and lie; his style is more to go limp. He says nothing. Oh, he does interviews, and he should have been a lawyer. Absolutely evasive. If the guy isn't going to make deals to help this team, he should just come out and say it. If the plan is to never move draft picks and to completely focus on improving the team through player development, he should just come out and say it.
Ales Hemsky - Oilers Winger
Crime: Being a Baby
Look Ales, if you want to get dealt, you could really help the process along by playing like a demon. Nope, he's sulking. Fans are disappointed with him; Oilers won't offer him a long-term deal; he's lost his standing as top forward on the team to three kids...Stop being a baby. Seriously, you are pissing everyone off. At this point, I don't care what the return is on Hemsky, and that's tragic. His talent level is really high, so the return should be decent, even if he's a rental with an injury history. Only Ales can change things, so my advice Princess is to suck it up. You score goals, you get dealt.
Taylor Hall - Oilers Winger
Crime: Tantrums
You might of heard Hall kinda lost it at Renney for the Pulling the Goalie Trick on Saturday. Outbursts are not new to Hall. He slams his stick, and stomps around; pouts and looks pissed off. I'm pretty sure the only reason he's playing with that injury of his is because he was intolerable to everyone behind the scenes, demanding he gets to play. I love Hall's fire and passion, don't get me wrong, but he's a diva and that sort of behavior eventually gets you traded. Did you see the Jordan Eberle interview after the game? Obviously, Eberle is frustrated and unhappy with his own team, but you don't see him dumping out his pail of Lego about it. He carries himself with class. Hall needs to grow up a bit before it costs him.
Theo Peckham - Oilers Defenseman
Crime: Still Being Here
Why is he still an Oiler? Yesterday was a classic Oilers moment. Colten Teubert has looked better to me than Peckham, yet after the game, Teubert gets sent down and Peckham is still here. Demand a trade, please, I beg you. You're the worst D man on the team, if not in the league. No hockey IQ, no foot speed, and he doesn't play all that tough for a tough guy.
Nikolai Khabibulin - Oilers Goaltender
Crime: Sucking After Being Great
Remember back at the beginning of the season when this guy was God? Was that a prank? Seriously. Every time I see Khabby play now, I think he should be hooked at some point for letting in at least more than one bad goal. How do you go from being the league's best to league's worst goaltender in the matter of a couple of months?
Oilers Fans
Crime: Buying Tickets
I am guilty of this too, so don't think I'm being hypocritcal. Do you know when things will change in Edmonton? When fans stop spending money on the team. How many last-place seasons would you let your team (if you owned the Oilers) play? One. That's it. Why? Because more than one shows disrepect to the people who pay millions to watch these chuckleheads. The owner won't care if the team wins; he's there for the money. Management, if they cared, would act like it. I doubt the coaches care that much, because they'd be visibly angry if they did. And the players? Hall cares. Eberle cares. A few other guys care. And that's it. The vets, in particular, don't care. Yet no one, from the owner, to the management, to the coaches, to the players themselves are doing anything to change the direction of the team. This year, they'll finish last again, and I won't be surprised if they finish last in 2012/2013...could happen if the D situation isn't repaired.
But the fans pay for this. And as long as the fans continue to blindly love their team, shoving millions in their direction, change will not come. Want the Oilers to improve? Don't buy the hot dogs. Don't drink the Kool-Aid. And most importantly, stop going to the games. Give the Oil three nights in a row with less than 5,000 people in the stands and you'd see immediate and profound changes take place.
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
Join the Discussion:
»