Hockey Den: The Premier Hockey Card and Memorabilia Destination
Visit us at www.hockeyden.net and check out the 2008-09 Upper Deck Series 2 box break! Then enter to win your choice of a card from the break (Patrick Roy Jersey card anyone?)! It’s a Mitch Fritz-tastic break!!
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Names. We’ve all got them. Some are a blessing, some are a curse. Some of them you just can’t help but wonder what the hell the parent was thinking (i.e., Why would anyone with the last name “Dover” name their kid Benjamin?). Regardless, they all provide us with some identity through our life, and provide me with an endless supply of material! How much material you ask? Over 6000 different players have laced ‘em up over the history of the league. You’ve got to figure that two or three out of every hundred have some angle to them, so we’re looking at a minimum of 120 to 180 good names to use. And that’s not even counting nicknames!
So what to do with these monikers? Make theme-based lines of course! Draft-schmaft! Give me a team of guys whose names fit together for some obscure reason. It’s all in the name folks, it’s all in the name. As the launch pad for this little experiment I am going to pander to my juvenile sense of humour and create:
It’s All In The Name Team 1: The Indianapolis Innuendos
That’s right! The best of the names that make us smirk and cause our wives/girlfriends to smack us when we laugh at them. They were funny on their own, and can only be funnier together! If anything they temporarily turn us into Beavis and Butthead in sex ed class:
Anyhoo, here's my first line, defense pair and starting goalie spanning the history of the NHL for the expansion Indianapolis Innuendos:
Center: Fred Knipscheer
A center who played limited games for the Bruins and Blues between 1993 and 1996, Fred was born with a certain defect that did not give him a Chandler-esque superfluous third nipple, but rather two relatively normal nipples aside from the fact that they cheer. Some of us have that voice in the back of our head that keeps us going through the day. Fred had his nipples.
Left Wing: Woody Dumart
A Hall of Famer, two time Cup champ, multiple all-star games…and went by Woody instead of Woodrow. I wonder what he went onto the Cup as? Specifically, has the Cup had a Woody? Not sure I want to get close enough to find out…
Right Wing: Cummy Burton
No word of a lie. Google it if you want. To be fair, his name is Cumming Scott “Cummy” Burton, but even knowing this raises a question: Why not “Scott”? Look, I can understand after a few awkward situations like “My name is Steve, and he’s Cumming” that you’d want to change your name, but with Scott available why choose Cummy? If I knew this guy I’d take every important decision in my life to him for his opinion. Then do the opposite…
Defense 1: Harry Dick
Come on now! I really tried to find some reference to him being named Harold but there’s nothing. Dude’s name is Harry. Pardon me for saying this, but his parents were just a couple of………(wait for it)…….Dicks. As a matter of fact, I can say with confidence that his father’s side of the family were all a bunch of Dicks. Harry played 12 games for Chicago during the 46-47 season, and at 6 feet, 210 pounds he was likely the biggest Dick in the league at that time.
Defense 2: Peter Loob
I’d have to say, the only other two names that could have been worse for the older brother of former Calgary star Hakan would be Dick or Johnson. Fortunately for us though it allows for the following commentary during our team’s game: “With Dick and Loob manning the back-end the opposition had best watch out!”
Goalie: Ron Tugnutt
Nickname: Tugger. How fitting that he is left on his own at one end of the ice while everyone else plays at the other. Just the combination of “Tug” and “Nut” has elicited many a juvenile comment across the years…
Back next time with a new team and theme (should this one not catch me any flak! Come on! They’re real names!) as we construct an entire league of these bad boys!
Remember to visit us at www.hockeyden.net and check out the 2008-09 Upper Deck Series 2 box break! Then enter to win your choice of a card from the break (Patrick Roy Jersey card anyone?)! It’s a Mitch Fritz-tastic break!!
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