Did I ever tell you folks I invented a professional team sport once? It's called "Ball". And believe me, if people ever saw a game of Ball, they'd never watch hockey again.

Do you know what makes Ball the perfect sport? There's only one rule: The team that has the ball at the end of 60 minutes wins. No refs. No debate over the rules of the game or the conduct of the players. Whoever has the ball at the end wins. It's that simple.

The game works like this: The field of play is roughly the same size as an NFL field. I'd use a smaller space, but you want to put this sport in a huge venue, because everyone is going to want to see it live. The field has a 16 foot high Plexiglas wall around all of it. Each team has 20 players, and everyone starts the game on the field, with a team at each end zone. The ball at the start of the game is at the very center of the field.

The first few Ball teams would go out and hire really quick guys to play for them. Whoever runs to the ball first grabs it, and plays keep-away from the other team for the entire hour. Boring, right? No one wants to pay $100 per ticket to see a game of Keep-Away.

At some point, one of the owners...likely someone like that Mark Cuban guy who owns the Dallas Mavericks; this seems like the type of sport he'd buy into...would figure out the easiest way to win is not to run fast, but to beat the opposing team into a bloody pulp. The first time this new coaching philosophy would be employed, you'd have a game where a bunch of skinny fast guys would go against some of America's most dangerous people: Murders, thugs, accountants and lawyers. The fast guys would get their asses kicked, and the team full of freaks and weirdos would win. Keep in mind the field is completely enclosed, and there are no refs. Anything goes for a full hour. Fans at the game would be going absolutely berzerk watching this.

Of course, the team that wins through violence would be copied by all the other teams in the league. So what you'd have is a situation where instead of trying to figure out how to "win", teams would only think about how to put members of the opposition in hospital. One team has to be better than the other at fighting, right? there would come a point in every game where half of one team would be unconscious and bleeding in the corner somewhere. Once half of one team is down, you'd see really fun stuff, like two on one beatings, and gang-style beatings, Betty White...Don't sit there judging me because I'm a horrible individual. Violence is fun.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: When I watch sports, I don't care about the players, their families, the owners, the fans, the cities the teams come from...I care about winning, and I care about the entertainment value of the sport I'm paying to watch. What's more entertaining than seeing guys carted off on stretchers, wives crying, and people rioting in the stands? Good times.

I see what hockey is trying to do, and I appreciate the efforts of players trying to copy "Ball". I also appreciate that the refs, instead of interfering, are staying out of the way, and the league itself isn't doing anything to curb the wave of violence. Do I care Marian Hossa was almost decapitated tonight? No. It might not have been a clean hit, but it was a fun hit. Come to think of it, one advantage hockey has over "Ball" when it comes to entertainment is that in Ball, the league doesn't attempt to punish or suspend anyone. Watching the NHL bungle rulings on play after play is almost as entertaining as the violence itself. Brendan Shanahan is a better comedian than I'll ever be. Know how funny Shanahan is? George Bush funny. Not the old Bush either. We're talking Dubya funny.

Cross-checks to the face, hits from behind, elbows...these are all very nice gestures for a public starving to be entertained. The players might tell you all they're trying to do is win, and they're being honest when they say it. It's hard for an opponent to score on you when he's on his hands and knees feeling around the ice for his teeth.

Hockey is violent as hell, and great players are getting clobbered. Rating are up; Don Cherry is happy. Hockey's not a game, or even a way of life. It's now a death sport. It's a motorcycle at a 100mph without a helmet. Hockey has never been more fun to watch.

But it's still not as fun as Ball.

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