I wouldn't do that to mr.peanut.

Thought the two of you were together...
- BashCH

that hobo is not even on the bus

That's why I drink at work, she doesn't see the evidence!
- AdamFrench

this always cracks me up

My beak is nice and soft
- deadpoulet

and that diaper full of digested seeds and berries?

Well, work is home now so...
- BashCH

Easy. Use a refillable water bottle that isn't see through and fill it up outside. Use an air purifier to mask the smell. Yes I'm an alcoholic...and I deserve to die!!!! A (frank)ing Shark Ate Me.

- AdamFrench

absolute classic

Easy. Use a refillable water bottle that isn't see through and fill it up outside. Use an air purifier to mask the smell. Yes I'm an alcoholic...and I deserve to die!!!! A (frank)ing Shark Ate Me.
- AdamFrench

I have just 1 sip and I smell...she's got the best nose in the world. Can't fool her.

Still don't understand how she can sometimes smell my burps from the next room...

and that diaper full of digested seeds and berries?
- kicksave856

yeah I don't mention the diaper on Tinder

I have just 1 sip and I smell...she's got the best nose in the world. Can't fool her.

Still don't understand how she can sometimes smell my burps from the next room...
- BashCH

Hold them in until they become farts and then blame the dog...you're making this harder than it needs to be

Girlfriend thinks I drink too much
- BashCH

Fully read : "Garfield thinks I drink too much"

Wait what ? Garfield is your GF ?

yeah I don't mention the diaper on Tinder
- deadpoulet

I have just 1 sip and I smell...she's got the best nose in the world. Can't fool her.

Still don't understand how she can sometimes smell my burps from the next room...
- BashCH

yeah I don't mention the diaper on Tinder
- deadpoulet

- Pat1993

swipe towards the rear in an upward motion

swipe towards the rear in an upward motion
- kicksave856

ohhhh...

Fully read : "Garfield thinks I drink too much"

Wait waht ? Garfield is your GF ?
- Xizord

ohhhh...

- Pat1993

that was the first time i really thought about the actual logistics of ass wiping.

that was the first time i really thought about the actual logistics of ass wiping.
- kicksave856

that was the first time i really thought about the actual logistics of ass wiping.
- kicksave856

You know how I know you don't have kids?

You know how I know you don't have kids?
- Takemedrunkimhome

because he doesn't seem miserable?

because he doesn't seem miserable?
- Pat1993

because he doesn't seem miserable?
- Pat1993

Well...not the answer I was going for...we'll check with the judges...the judges will accept that answer.

I literally have no friends with kids who try and pull the "they're the greatest gift and they'll change your life." Now it's "I miss free time and disposable income. You know I actually thought at one point I'd be able to afford retirement?"

Well...not the answer I was going for...we'll check with the judges...the judges will accept that answer.

I literally have no friends with kids who try and pull the "they're the greatest gift and they'll change your life." Now it's "I miss free time and disposable income. You know I actually thought at one point I'd be able to afford retirement?"
- Takemedrunkimhome

Well...not the answer I was going for...we'll check with the judges...the judges will accept that answer.

I literally have no friends with kids who try and pull the "they're the greatest gift and they'll change your life." Now it's "I miss free time and disposable income. You know I actually thought at one point I'd be able to afford retirement?"
- Takemedrunkimhome

My brother in-law is the former. I think he has had about 3 hours of sleep a night for the past 4 years since their son was born between work and wanting to be with him. Most attentive father I've ever seen. He's only 36 as well.

My brother in-law is the former. I think he has had about 3 hours of sleep a night for the past 4 years since their son was born between work and wanting to be with him. Most attentive father I've ever seen. He's only 36 as well.
- AdamFrench

Good on him. If you're going to do it, do it right. It's not for everybody and sadly many who do it aren't the ones who should...but short of intelligence and character testing to determine who gets sterilized, there likely isn't much that can be done

My brother in-law is the former. I think he has had about 3 hours of sleep a night for the past 4 years since their son was born between work and wanting to be with him. Most attentive father I've ever seen. He's only 36 as well.
- AdamFrench

will die at 45 but ok