The Arizona Coyotes history isn't honestly all that great.
They've had 380 different owners, including the NHL, and they have long been a punch line league-wide when it comes to attendance of fans.
Still, credit is deserved for sticking it out in a non-traditional market (scorpions and hockey rarely mix, unless you know the secret NHL94 code to play as Scorpion from Mortal Kombat).
The fact is though, whether it's lack of money, unstable ownership, Don Maloney, the Coyotes just don't have a great history.
22 seasons, two playoff series wins (both in the same year).
One 50 goal scorer. (Keith Tkachuk)
Their most beloved franchise player is a third line checker.
Zero Hall of Famers.
Obviously it goes without saying there haven't been any Stanley Cups, Scoring Titles, or Major Awards (other than useless one for coaching).
11 Winning seasons out of 22 (and that's generous because a lot of wins would have been ties under old rules).
They made the Playoffs only eight times out of 22.
This year makes the eighth season in a row without playoffs. This owes to the absolute refusal to bottom out and get a franchise player.
The current management does not seem to understand that only star players matter, and that the only reason the Goligoskis or Soderberg's are useful at all is the ice time they get. That literally any player getting their minutes would do the same thing.
Average players don't do __.
Anyways, I name - Brad Richardson the 47th best player in franchise history.
No offense to him, but you can see why I have to do that.
No on to the good stuff!
Movie #47 on the Best Films of All-Time Countdown
The Rock - Michael Bay
A lot of people don't appreciate Michael Bay.
He is crass, unsubtle, overly commercial, cheesy, does too much blatant product placement, and the sheer number of explosions he's responsible have melted up to six glaciers on their own.
If you only like movies approved by film school, or you find yourself slightly aroused at the thought of subtitles, you probably also hate Michael Bay.
The guy uses the "male gaze" as if he invented it. His movies lack emotional impact, realism, social conscious and (if we're being fair) merit.
But who gives a ____?
You watch movies for fun, and there are few films more fun that the Rock. Nick Cage is perfect as Stanley, the chemical engineer with the nerves (and Abs) of steel.
Sean Connery's (Mason) backstory is as good as his performance - he an ex- Brirtish Spy locked up for 30 years without a trial by his country's greatest ally, and so of course when they let him out, he's ready (as a 70 year old man) to take on "the greatest Seal Team Vietnam ever saw" with just the help of a nerdy chemical engineer (who for some reason is ripped, married to a super model, and has the chiseled good looks of a prime-era Nick Cage).
What in the name of Zeus's Butthole is this movie doing ranked only 47th? I honestly can't say. It probably deserves a higher ranking.
I swear to God, this movie was nominated for only a single Oscar - and it was best sound mixing, which is probably the Academy's version of nominating Brad Richardson as one of the best players in team history.
The Rock certainly deserved Best Picture over a movie I never saw, but which I assume is a giant piece of crap - the English Patient.
Fun Fact: According to Wikipedia, Cage only got this role after Arnold turned it down, a decision I assume he regrets to this day.
The Rock is not the best Nicholas Cage movie, but it is the best Michael Bay movie by a lot, and it's also (again, I assume) the best Sean Connery movie.
Blogger • 
Join the Discussion:
»