The Coyotes will play the Oilers tonight and you can bet we are in for a scrumptious affair.
The Coyotes will be without their best defenseman and their best goalie (who also doubles as the best goalie in the world) but I am so confident in their victory that I have made a bet with Oilers blogger Sean "Puff Daddy" Maloughney.
The terms are still under negotiation. Originally it was that the loser had to write a positive blog about the winner's team.
But at the last minute I betrayed Sean and turned it into an elimination match. If the Coyotes win Sean has to become the new Coyotes blogger while I will take over the Oilers and burn it to the ground.
If the Oilers win, I'm still gonna pour gasoline all over this mother.......just kidding, I'll live up to the agreement and write a totally non-sarcastic blog about what a great job Ken "Old Boys Club" Holland is doing.
I'll even dust off my old Dave Tippet brand longjohns and praise my former coach and mentor.
Honestly, if you want the truth, the Coyotes are dressing two third liners on their first line, and playing without their best defenseman and goalie.
It should be an absolute ___ show.
Then again, the Coyotes have heart and they could also possibly be rabid. Therefore I feel that they will absorb the crushing humiliation of their five game losing streak and channel into a (possibly erotic) win against the Oilers.
And when I say humiliation, I'm talking Lindsey Graham levels of humiliation. I'm talking betray everything you've ever done in your entire life for no reason levels of humiliation - losing to the Ducks, Kings, Oilers, Blackhawks and Canucks.
What kind of five game losings streak is that? If you play Pittsburgh, Toronto, Washington, Boston, Tampa, I'll let the losing streak slide.......but this?
This is garbagio.
Anyways, hopefully the Coyotes can pull the season out of the toilet against these (and I'm just getting ready for tomorrow) beautiful and talented Oilers in their totally not-at-all hideous bright orange and navy blue jerseys that have the distinction of being the only professional sports jerseys in the entire world designed by famed blind designer Willy No Eyes.
He is not even blind, he literally has no eyes.
And since this is, at its heart, a rumour website, I should tell you that word on the street has it that Old Willy No Eyes is in the running to replace George Parros as head of the department of player safety.
Oilers and Coyotes 7 PM somewhere, bring your ponchos and galoshes.
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