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The Worst Thing About Every NHL Team 2019 Edition

August 10, 2019, 1:06 PM ET [132 Comments]
Sean Maloughney
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • RSSArchiveCONTACT

Your hockey team sucks. From a young age, you were likely raised to believe that the NHL team that you cheer for is the best team that was ever fashioned. Your mom, dad, or whoever introduced you to the team probably has shared their own memories from when they first fell in love with the team, who their favourite player was, and in turn that same passion and fervor has come to you.

I don’t care if they have been a lottery team for the past decade or have won four Cups in that same period. Don't bother wasting digital ink in the comment section to crack Oilers jokes (I've got plenty of my own) because while the Oilers have issues...so does your team.

I understand that this may be difficult for you to take in all at once but luckily you have me here to help break it down. Last season I did something similar but don't worry, I won't be using the same things as before because trust me, there are plenty of reasons to hate your team.

Anaheim Ducks:
Oh how quickly things change... a year ago I wrote about how the Ducks were the worst because of how much cheap and dirty hockey they get away with, with Ryan Kesler being the personification of that. However now with Perry bought out and Kesler likely missing the entire 19/20 season the Ducks will have to find a new shtick to avoid being the least cared about team in the California area. Maybe they could get bought by Disney again. In fact, the worst thing about the Ducks now is that they aren't The Mighty Ducks anymore.

Arizona Coyotes:
I don't know if it's the desert air, heat, or the lingering understanding that one day the team will be moved, something about Arizona breeds boring players. The Coyotes have had high draft picks for years and aside from OEL, haven't managed to develop a single marketable player. Clayton Keller looked promising in his first season but sadly the dessert air got to him too. Wear an O2 mask Kessel.

Boston Bruins: Hypocrisy thy name is Bruins fans. Players like Marchand have gotten away with murder throughout their career, receiving the occasional light tap on the wrist from the league and you, the fans have never seemed to have an issue with it. Then suddenly, Acciari trips over his own two feet from a light tap by Bozak in Game 5 and you all lose it.

Buffalo Sabres: Last time I said the Sabres have an inferiority complex and for the first time I saw Sabres fans in the comment section. This time let me apologize and say I was wrong and your team is really really good and you should all be proud of yourselves.

Okay now that all the Sabres fans have stopped reading after I said nice things about them, here it is... The Sabres are the worst for pretending to be American. Have you seen where they play? From the Tim Hortons in Fort Erie to KeyBank Centre is less than a 2 hour walk Let's be honest, Sabres fans are practically Torontonians.

Calgary Flames: The way you handled your new arena deal. Yes the Saddledome has seen better days; what once a symbol of innovation and wealth is now a decrepit pile of bricks that is behind the times; basically a metaphor for Calgary in general. Eight days is not long enough to give the public a chance to really have a true say in the matter. Nenshi and the Calgary City council ended up in a game of chicken against the Flames Ownership group and blinked first, rushing the deal. Also maybe don't cut emergency services by 60 million dollars the day after announcing the deal?

Carolina Hurricanes:
No I am not going to pick the Storm Surge because it is fun and if you hate it you are quiet simply just wrong. Also the Canes brought back the beautiful Whalers jerseys. Honestly I love this team but I need to stick true to the theme of this blog so here it goes; you are still paying Alexander Semin. Remember Semin? I would understand if you didn't because he hasn't stepped onto North American ice since 2015 but his cap hit is still going against Carolina. Be better.

Chicago Blackhawks:
Similarly to what every girl I have ever dated has told me, the Blackhawks have an inability to move on. They keep trying to make the "dynasty" (still wasn't a real dynasty) happen and keep trying to do it by bringing back their old players. Trade away Saad...bring back Saad...trade away Shaw...bring back Shaw. Oh also you got the Oilers to pay Brandon Manning for two years so that is reason to hate you too.

Colorado Avalanche:
A bunch of hoarders...that's what the Avalanche are. You're the kid in kindergarten who spends all his time at the Lego station and won't give anyone else a turn. Samuel Girard, Cale Maker, Bowen Byram... the Avs are taking all the high end talent on defense and not leaving any for the rest of us. Just sign Rantanen for 11 million already.

Columbus Blue Jackets: The cannon is stupid and cheesy. Although it did make Johnny Gaudreau flinch like a child so that was fun.

Dallas Stars: Dallas wants to party like it's 2009, bringing in Joe Pavelski and Corey Perry as both are entering the twilight of their respective careers. Maybe instead of trying to bring in guys who used to be the top players on their teams, try instead to not throw your own top players under the bus?

There you have it, the first ten teams and the worst thing about each one of them right now. As always I look forward to well thought out and carefully crafted criticism in the comments section.
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