Before I get going, I'll warn you: The alternate title I had for this blog was "Worst. Blog. Ever." It's Friday afternoon and I don't care anymore.
No Gary and Donnie?
The NHL made a funny. Mediators sit with the league and the NHLPA for about 35 seconds and come to the conclusion the two sides are too far apart for mediation to work. The solution? To follow up mediation with a CBA negotiation session without Gary Bettman or Donald Fehr in the room. Oh, this will go well.
Here's why I find this idea so appalling: Okay, so you take guys like Kris Versteeg...Unintelligent kids from the suburbs who talk tougher than they actually are...Then put them on the same debate team as Sidney Crosby. Sid the Kid might be the best player in the world, and when he speaks, the butt-kissing media fawn all over him...but I think he's a wiener. He's always annoyed me for some reason. Great hockey player, without question. Hate his attitude though. As a kid, I always wanted to punch Brainy Smurf in the face too.
You put guys like that in a room with the anger management issue that is Brian Burke, and the complete loon that is Charles Wang, and see what occurs. I can picture the conversation now:
Crosby: "I realize team owners are businessmen trying to earn money. We appreciate playing for you, and we appreciate you paying us. This is not a lose-lose situation. This should be a win-win situation. We've agreed to move to a 50/50 split eventually, and money was the point of the lockout, right? So if you just gave our business plan a chance, you'd see everyone can make millions from this. We know what the financial issues in the NHL are, and we're prepared to do our part to help. Just read our offer on the back of this cocktail napkin, and you'll see for yourselves."
Burke: "Look, you little wiener: The Leafs made a boatload of money, along with a few other teams. Most teams made less than the average NHL player does, and that just ain't right. And since when do players have a say in matters such as these? Back when I was your age, I would have earned $15 per week playing for the Red Wings, and I would have just been happy to have a job and a steady girlfriend. I would have earned that little, and I still could have beat the hell out of you with one arm tied behind my back. So suck it up already and quit whining. God, listening to you moan is more annoying than Kessel."
Versteeg: "Check this out ya'll: It's like my man Biggie said, if you gonna play the game, you gotta get jiggy with the home juice, or you end up capped in the streets, know what I'm sayin'? That geezer Betty hasn't got anything between his ears or his legs, and it's time someone pops that sucka in the G6. I'm gonna bagel him in cream cheese with my gangsta gat launcha; the mo-fo will be all bleedin', like, word up! Know what I'm sayin'?"
Wang: "Is it Tuesday? I always have toast on Tuesday. Brown toast. And a poached egg."
The players and owners would get together, and the entire situation would be a Gong Show because both sides are a combination of too lame, too dumb, and too self-interested to listen. Hour after hour of inane rambling from people completely caught up in themselves. By the time the meeting would end 27 hours later, both sides would claim victory, and yet, we'd still have no CBA. That much ego in one room would be a nightmare.
Leave lawyering to the lawyers. Most lawyers I know could survive an atom bomb being dropped on their heads, so eventually, they'll figure a CBA out. Adding more people to the conversation is just going to confuse everyone, especially the average jock who has a hard time counting to potato.
Justin Credible
Here's what makes what Justin Schultz is doing for the OKC Barons so incredible: The team has Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, and Schultz is outshining them all. Oh, how the Anaheim Ducks must hate the Edmonton Oilers right now. Schultz and the Barons are back in action tonight against the Houston Areos. Don't be surprised if the Barons lose by eight goals, as they're 41 games into a seven game road trip. Completed gassed.
Fine Line Whine
Does anyone take issue with the NBA fining the San Antonio Spurs $250,000 for sending out a bunch of scrubs to play last night instead of their "real" roster? What a joke that was. No league that exists actually cares about fans, do they? Can you imagine shelling out hundreds to go watch a Spurs/Heat game, only to see the Spurs give everyone good the night off? Add a zero to the end of that fine, Stern. Make sure stuff like that never happens again. If basketball was a real sport, I'd be horrified by the entire situation.
Speaking of Burke...
I'm having a good laugh at everyone talking about how terrible of a GM Burke has been for the Maple Leafs. It's not his fault, honestly. When you're the Leafs, losing just sorta happens. If it makes you feel better, the team turned a $100mil profit and is worth a billion. What would this team be worth if it had a tradition of quality, like the Habs? Maybe the Leafs want the lockout to bring the league back to six teams. At least then they'd make the playoffs once in a while.
I rip on Burke all the time.
Why No Nail Mail?
I keep getting asked why I don't prattle on all day about how Nail Yakupov is doing in the KHL or how Ales Hemsky is doing in Newfoundland or wherever he is. The reason? It's not the NHL, so I don't care. I said that before the lockout started. Oh, I do care on some level, I guess. I care if they get themselves injured. I care if they decide they'd rather stay in Russia than come back to Canada. But who scores how many goals? Irrelevant.
Let me put it to you this way: The player second in scoring in the Swiss league this season is Linus Omark, and Omark is a tool by NHL standards. Does Omark's success indicate he belongs in the NHL? Nope. It indicates he belongs in the Swiss league. I'm not saying I dislike Omark, or even think he doesn't deserve another shot in North America. But the Oilers? We have better options now, so I don't care. Even if he factored into the Oilers future somehow, I still wouldn't care...unless he got hurt. If that happened, I'd call him a "stupidhead".
With Regards to Omark...
And just in case you're wondering, Omark still has no real trade value. Doesn't Patrick Thoresen score in bunches in the KHL? Remember his "career" in the NHL? Exactly. Big difference between pro hockey in Europe and pro hockey in North America. About 6" and 40lbs difference.
In case you wondered why the Oilers qualified Omark, they did it because it was funny. They needed to make an example of him. It's bad when you have players who feel playing in the minors is beneath them. From the Oilers perspective, Omark's defensive play and attitude weren't good enough to justify playing him in a Top 6 NHL role yet. People who think he is good enough for that type of employment are still fixated on his shootout spin-a-rama. Oilers management need to make sure all their players understand that roster spots are reserved for those who have the right attitude and put in the work. Last thing you want is a team full of jerks. Oilers roster circa 2008 or 2009...Never again.
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
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