It's the most wonderful time of the Year..........
Training Camp!!!
The World Cup has prevented me from following the Coyotes camp very closely, and for that I say praise be to the whatever entity you're down with. (I choose the goat-man from Where the Wild Things Are, but it's really up to you).
I hate training camp. I hate rookie camp. I hate the "story lines" and all the crap people talk about in order to try and make it interesting. But it's not. It never is.
Usually we're so starved for hockey, that by this time of the year we're debating things like who will get the seventh D spot on a 30th place team, and whose new uniforms look the crappiest. (Hint the answer here is always the Arizona Diamondbacks).
But since we were actually treated with some interesting hockey in the last few weeks there is no need to pretend that training camp is interesting.
Personally, I can't stand watching exhibition games when I could be plowing through another John Grisham thriller or talking about my feelings with my wife. I also can't stand listening to the inane questions the media asks the players, coaches and GM, nor can I stand to listen to their calculated lies and vanilla answers.
Whether Luke Schenn makes the team over Klaus Dahlbeck isn't all that thrilling either.
In past years there was some interesting questions about Strome and Domi, but since they each got sent back to junior (Domi twice, I believe) I don't really feel it's worth my time to ponder whether Clayton Keller makes it. He won't and neither will Chychrun. If they do, it's a fun surprise.
So what is going on?
The Coyotes made their first cuts - three guys you've never heard of.
The "big story" at camp seems to be when or if they'll sign Tobias Reider. Nothing like a case of will they or won't they sign their 15th most important player to get the old preseason off to thrilling start.
They won their second pre-season game. Was it against the Ducks? Maybe, who cares? There was a first game as well, one assumes.
What is the deal with a new Lethal Weapon TV show? I watched it just to check it out, and it is garbage. Why would anyone watch this piece of crap when they could just watch the old Movie? Why would anyone think this is a good idea?
It's not even a new story, it's just a low budget remake. Was there anyone sitting around going "damn, I wish they'd make a cheap remake of my favorite movie, but on network TV with no swearing or nudity, and with worse actors, and worse special effects than 1987."
And if you are going to bother, why not bring something new to the table? Instead of a shot-for-shot remake? (Or just go see the new Shane Black movie, the one with Scorpion Jacket and Russel Crowe, it's pretty awesome).
The only thing good about Lethal Weapon the TV show is that it brings our societal values into stark relief (which was obviously it's goal all along?): They can show brutal murders, car crashes, and like six different styles of gun violence, but in order to get the show from theaters to the small screen, they can't show any nudity or have any swearing.
When TV sensors breasts and words, but shows violence (glorifies it even) is it any wonder that we're beset with such a violent society?
I mean, that is objectively crazy.
Incidentally, the novel I just finished writing is called We've Seen Televised Murder, but They Still Censor Nips. Pretty apt title or what? (For the record, I did write that book and that is the real title. No joke).
Anyways, you can add the show Lethal Weapon (specifically it's existence) to the list of world mysteries that includes Stonehenge, the Bermuda Triangle and the careers of Dave Grohl and Anne Coulter.
As for the Coyotes, they kick off the season two weeks from Saturday, against the Flyers.
And me? I'm gonna wash the taste of that Lethal Weapon imposter out of my mouth with the real thing. Because if there is one thing we can be certain of, it's that Lethal Weapon 1 and 2 are the two greatest films in cinematic history.
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