VANCOUVER (Feb. 15) — I am not certain right now, nor may I ever fully understand, where Brian Burke is getting his strength from these days. Just more than one week after encountering the most difficult, painful and potentially debiliating circumstance imaginable — the death of a child — Brian has somehow shown up for work here at the Winter Olympics with courage and dedication that is not easy to comprehend. No person, anywhere, would have given it a second thought had Burke concluded he simply wasn’t up to the task of managing the U.S. men’s hockey team so soon after his family tragedy. Yet there he was on Sunday afternoon, marching into the Main Press Center with resolve; with humor, and — yes — even some of his legendary bombast in plain view.
If anything, it was further testiment to the eternal, unshakable bond he shares with his late son, Brendan, who died a week ago Friday at 21 years of age on a snow-covered highway in Indiana, when the car he was in lost control and swerved into the path of an on-coming vehicle.
During the formal part of a 30-minute press conference — in which he, U.S. coach Ron Wilson, and players Jamie Langenbrunner, Zach Parise, Ryan Miller and Jack Johnson spoke about the up-coming tournament here and took questions from the assembled media — Burke chose not to address his personal grief; nor was he asked to. But moments later, while sitting on a chair at the edge of the raised platform, the veteran hockey executive held court with a dozen or so reporters — many of whom he knows — and spoke bravely about his heart-wrenching ordeal.
“My family needs me to be strong right now and my teams — Toronto and this club — need me to be strong,” said the president and general manager of the Maple Leafs. “I think part of leadership is dealing with personal adversity and difficulty, and I never had a thought about not coming here for these Games. The one change I made is I didn’t want to march in the Opening Ceremony; my heart just wasn’t in it. But, my son wanted me to be here.”
When asked how he is holding up in such an unspeakable circumstance, Burke became emotional for the one and only time. “I cry less every day,” he said, his voice cracking. “It’s been tough. But, [to gain strength] I think about Brendan. He wanted me to do this. I was asked to do a job here and I’m going to do it. The fact I’ve had a tragic event in my life shouldn’t change that. USA Hockey has asked me to do a job. The Olympic experience [started] today; when I was driving down here, my side-view mirror got smoked by a bus, so it’s clearly not my week. But, I’m familiar with the city [from his days managing the Vancouver Canucks]. We still have a home here and that part has been good.”
Brian was then asked to talk in more detail about Brendan, who garnered admiration across the hockey world in the last week of November, when he publicly declared he was gay. “He was a courageous kid; gregarious, and very compassionate,” Burke said. “He was bright and he cared a lot about people. That’s the saddest part about it — his future was so bright; the sky was the limit for this kid. He knew he wanted to go to law school; in fact, he was driving back from a school [Michigan State] when he had his accident. He also interned with a congressman last summer [Bill Delahunt of Massachussets].”
When asked if his son wanted to be a hockey GM, Brian replied, “At times he did, but he wasn’t decided. To do that job, you’ve got to be a bit of a [hard-ass] and make difficult decisions — sending guys down; trading guys. You’ve got to be able to put feelings aside and say, ‘okay, you know this player just had a baby, but I’ve got to make this trade.’ Or, ‘this guy’s wife is sick, but I have to do my job.’ You’ve got to be a bit callous in your heart. Patrick, my oldest son, has that side; I’m not sure Brendan did… to his credit. But, he would have been successful. He’s one of those kids.”
I mentioned to Brian that he probably won’t live with regret the rest of his days, other than wishing his son were still alive. Though I never met Brendan, the love he shared with his father was so obvious in an interview the two men did with TSN after the revelation of his sexual preference. This sparked a story about the earliest hours of Brendan’s life.
“We did have a great bond,” Brian confirmed. “I feel fortunate that I had him for 21 years. Brendan was born here in Vancouver on December 8th, 1988 and [he weighed] eight pounds, eight ounces. Eight is a lucky number for people of Chinese descent so he was in the [hospital] the day he was born and the nurses kept rubbing his head. I said to one of them, ‘what’s the deal?’ and she told me, ‘he’s a very lucky baby’. I said, ‘well rub his foot, he’s going to be bald for Chrissake [this prompted a belly laugh from the media, and a wide smile from Burke].’ He started off being born with a lot of lucky signs around him and he had just a magnetic personality as a kid.”
Brian then told a story that adds credence to the saying “the good die young”.
“We were at the wake last week and one of his former teachers came up to me and said that Brendan was at an eighth-grade dance and there was a girl there that no one wanted to dance with. Brendan walked right over to her and said, ‘let’s dance’. He didn’t mind that the other boys might tease him about it, or what anybody thought. He just didn’t want that girl to have a bad night. He was that kind of person… a special kid.”
And the product of a heart-broken, but very special, dad.
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