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Why there should be a Canada Cup / Movie Review

July 29, 2014, 12:51 PM ET [16 Comments]
James Tanner
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Sitting here in the summer, stuck with baseball, I was thinking how much better it would be if their was a Canada Cup to watch.

The Olympics really screwed us. If not for the fact that they paused hockey to put on other hockey, we could have had some summer entertainment in the form of the World Cup/Canada Cup.

That actually makes sense - a hockey tournament when there is no other hockey going on.

If you think about it, the negatives about the Olympics - shutting down the NHL, risking injury, compounding the schedule, etc. are really only negated by one thing: the word "Olympics."

I mean, really think about it. The hockey occurs entirely with NHL players. You could have the same tournament anywhere else, at any time. The only advantage of playing during the Olympics is that the world's second most corrupt sporting organization (after FIFA) gives you one of their medals.

Everything you like about the Olympics - the world class hockey, the international flavor, seeing teams stacked with NHL talent beat team's that couldn't beat an AHL team win 143-0, could be replicated by the NHL at any time or place.

The only thing the Olympics provide is the name. Unless you're some kind of weird Yuppie, or your still in highschool, you probably moved past name brand clothing and items a long time ago. Yet, when it comes to hockey, we do the exact opposite of what we know is mature behavior- we crave the name brand despite a whole bunch of negatives and nothing, really, to be gained that isn't arbitrary.

Sure, the Olympics have prestige, but only because we all decide to assign it value - like money.

The difference is, with money, you can buy things - like beer and Sandman comics, for instance - with Olympics, all you get is a headache from ugly uniforms, weird rules and bad games played on an ice surface that slows down the game and is further made terrible by the fact that the refs are brutal.

The Canada, or World, Cup is exactly the same as the Olympics, with the exception that the NHL can hold it whenever it wants, use their rules, their arenas and take all the money it brings in. Hell, they could hold it for charity and make it really positive event that would build good will in the world and help the league immensely.

Anyways, if the Olympics never happened, instead of talking about the Danniel Winnik signing as if it were big news, we could be getting pumped about the one thing that makes international hockey good - it happening in the Summer. There really is no difference in terms of quality or spectacle between the Canada Cup and the Olympics, and yet the NHL would stand to reap amazing benefits from one and get nothing out of the other.

Why?




Movie Review

On the weekend I watched Lethal Weapon 4. What a movie!

The world's most beloved film franchise returns for one final victory lap. After one of the most expensive and non-germain to the plot openings in movie history, the film settles in with an almost never before seen mix of explosions, call backs to previous movie catch phrases and mildly amusing jokes.

The film is filled with endless classic scenes:

When Murtaugh has his Oscar worthy breakdown? Or when he gives his watch to borderline racist stereotype/caricature 'The Aged and Wise Chinese Patriarch'? When Leo inexplicably follows Riggs to his wife's grave? (A scene in which Gibson prepares us for the emotional gravitas that would follow in the Patriot)

This is powerful stuff, and you can't help but almost tear up yourself. Riggs is so tortured about having to marry Rene Russo (who inexplicable can beat up a Chinese gang member while 8.5 months pregnant with no ill effects) and Murtuaugh? Well, he's getting too old for this shit, but it doesn't matter because he gives a performance for the ages. Is there truth to the rumours that Danny Glover refused to make Lethal Weapon 5 because the Academy refused to recognize his chops in LW4? If not, there should be.

What about when the entire house is burning down and everyone is tied up, but luckily the fire burns slowly on the perimeter, giving borderline racist stereotype/caricature "Ping" the chance to save everyone. Oh Ping!

But it's not just one of the greatest dramas of all time - it's a hilarious comedy too.

When Old Murtaugh thinks Chris Rock is in love with him? What a mix up! Rigggs is such a rascal! What a trick. But wait, is Murtaugh on the take? Of course not, his wife's just writing erotic fiction, no biggie.

If only there were more explosions!

The plot is, as they say, "A little thin."

The best part of the movie is easily the tasteful and restrained way in which the film's director applies the series' trademark 'sexy saxaphone' at all the right times.

Still, for all the problems, I give this move 9 Retro Coyotes Logos out of a possible 10, because despite it having all the artistic integrity of a Pitbull Remix, the movie shows stunning originality (see Jet Li's mullet/rat-tail combo) and there are over 100 things that explode.

Mix in Riggsie and Murtaugh and you have a movie that works, literally, for no reason. It is objectively bad for so many reasons (and the guys are so mean to poor old Leo it's hard to take) and could possibly be one of the worst movies ever made, except for the fact that it is awesome. It's fun and enjoyable on nearly every level, despite it making no sense, having no suspense, making lame and, even for the time, mean, jokes that aren't funny and don't help the movie in anyway.

Sure, it should be getting zero Retro Coyote Logos when you really think about it, but somehow it manages to be the fourth best film ever made.


Thanks for reading


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