First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who entered my annual NHL Entry Draft contest. I can't wait to give out that duct tape and tin foil trophy again this year. The person who won it last year, and you know who you are, please kindly send it back so I can give it out again.

For some reason, I feel like Gilbert Gottfried tonight, so please read this blog keeping his voice in mind.

"Sheth MacFarlane!"

I promised you my final, final, final, official, real, complete 2013 NHL Entry Draft predictions, and here they are.

1. Colorado Avalanche - Nathan MacKinnon - C
Either Patrick Roy and Joe Sakic are the most hilarious comedy duo since Robert MacNeil and Jim Lehrer, or the Avs are going to draft MacKinnon. Was the best player during the Memorial Cup tournament, by a mile. Solid pick, even if the Avs already have a number of quality centers and little else. BPA.

2. Florida Panthers - Jonathan Drouin - LW
This is the first big shock of the day. Everyone expects the Panthers to take Jones, but Drouin is too good to pass up. Imagine, if you will, a better-skating version of Jordan Eberle. Would you pass him up? Me neither. Keep in mind defensemen are harder to predict.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning - Seth Jones - D
The Panthers loved raining on the Lightning's parade, stealing away the perfect winger for Steven Stamkos. The pain will go away quickly. While I just said defensemen are harder to predict, Jones is as close to a defensive can't-miss player as you can get. Offensively-skilled, swift-skating, big and can play physical. Total package.

4. Nashville Predators - Aleksander Barkov - C
The Preds have an unfair advantage in life because of head coach Barry Trotz. This team isn't going to be bad for long, and it doesn't really matter who is on the roster. That being said, Barkov is everything you'd want in a center, and is everything the Preds are missing at the position.

5. Carolina Hurricanes - Elias Lindholm - C
This is where the draft suddenly becomes more complicated. The Hurricanes would, most certainly, benefit more from drafting a winger or a defenseman. Positionally, the one thing the team does have is strength at center. But I'm confident after reading all the pre-draft propaganda that Lindholm is the clear #5 prospect. Besides, even if the 'Canes took a defenseman because of positional need, it would take a few years before that player would turn out. With Lindholm, there is a clearer idea as to what you'll get.

6. Calgary Flames - Sean Monahan - C
The rush to draft centers continues with the Flames. I'd say they're taking Monahan just to get under the Oilers skin, but center is always the position of weakness on the team. Monahan doesn't have the flash of MacKinnon, Barkov or Lindholm, but he'll certainly become a force in the NHL. Big. Physical.

7. Edmonton Oilers - Valeri Nichushkin - LW
This is a tough one for the Oilers. Nichushkin is perhaps the obvious choice here with respect to his level of talent. But I've heard stuff. He's arrogant. He's selfish with the puck. He's a risk because of the "Russian factor". Let's go back to last season, when the Oilers took a stack of big wingers. Why do you think they did that? Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Gagner and Yakupov comprise five of the Oilers future Top 6....for a long, long time. The only thing missing from that group is a horse. We heard lots of concern last year over Yakupov's attitude, but as it turns out, everyone thinks he's brilliant. He and Hall are perhaps the two most important pieces of the organization. So if the Oilers have a chance to draft that missing piece...they sit down with Yaks and ask him to take Nichushkin under his wing...good influences. This pick just seems right to me. A risk worth taking. Val certainly has the talent.

8. Buffalo Sabres - Max Domi - C/LW
The Sabres swallow hard here. The two best prospects left are Darnell Nurse and Rasmus Ristolainen, but the thing is, the Sabres have a decent group of young defensemen. The team also has amazing young centers. The need? For wingers, be them skilled, tough, or a bit of both. Domi might be short, but he's tough as nails. He got that from his old man. What he got from someone other than Tie is skill with the puck. I think Buffalo votes OHL and takes the best potential winger available.

9. New Jersey Devils - Rasmus Ristolainen - D
It's a toss-up between scouts as to which prospect is better between Nurse and Ristolainen. I'm going with Ristolainen here only because Bob McKenzie has him rated higher. Hey, at least I'm honest. Bobbie Mac is more or less God in the draft world, so what he says goes.

10. Dallas Stars - Darnell Nurse - D
This is sort of like being the kid who finds the toy in the box of cereal. It's surreal that Nurse is still available at pick #10, and the Stars will know it. An obvious pick if they have a chance to make it.

11. Philadelphia Flyers - Nikita Zadorov - D
The Flyers have an interest in a huge, physical defenseman? Never! Okay, they do.

12. Phoenix Coyotes - Hunter Shinkaruk - C
Last year before the Coyotes drafted Henrik Samuelsson, I was tearing out my hair and throwing items at the television insisting Oilers GM Steve Tambellini do something to trade up for the pick. Obviously, Samuelsson is an absolute beast of a player. He'll be the #1 or #2 center for the Coyotes very soon. What they need is a more offensively-skilled guy as their other Top 6 center. Shinkaruk is one of the best pure-scorers in this draft class. Almost on the same level as MacKinnon and Drouin offensively. A tad one-dimensional, maybe...but he's what the Coyotes need, so they'll take him.

13. Winnipeg Jets - Zach Fucale - G
This is a tough one. The Jets seem to have this history of always wanting to add an offensive center, but they think they found their guy in human diving board Mark Scheifele. You could say I'm not a fan, but whatever. Perhaps taking Bo Horvat or Curtis Lazar would make more sense for the Jets, but I've heard and continue to hear continuous grumbling about the goaltending situation. Fucale is the clear top goalie prospect, and if the Jets hate their goaltending as much as it's rumored...

14. Columbus Blue Jackets - Bo Horvat - C
A year ago you might have suggested the Jackets needed to take a goalie, but that's the position of strength on the team now. Well, that and the defense. For being a lousy GM, Scott Howson did a pretty good job figuring out how to make a decent back-end for the team. The issue, of course, is at center. Will Ryan Johansen ever turn into the #1 franchise center they hoped he would? Horvat would be a brilliant #2. Physical, big, can score. All-arounder.

15. New York Islanders - Alexander Wennberg - F
Finally, an F. It stands for "forward", meaning, this guy can play all three forward positions. The Islanders don't need centers, and they drafted 27 defensemen last year. Adding a skilled winger makes sense.

16. Buffalo Sabres - Micro Mueller - D
I'm big on this prospect. Wheels. Serous wheels. He's raw and he needs time to develop, but the Sabres have mint here. A big fish in a small pond.

17. Ottawa Senators - Anthony Mantha - LW
Just what exactly do the Senators need? So many skilled young players...Perhaps there's more need on the wings then there is at center or on D? Mantha scored 50 goals last season playing in the Q, so if you're drafting 17th and if you want an offensive winger, he's your guy.

18. Detroit Red Wings - Curtis Lazar - C
I have a process when it comes to attempting to predict who the Wings are going to take: I look at the list of available prospects, and then I take the guy with the most unpronounceable name. This draft is weird because usually the Wings are picking at the end of the round, when all there is left is players with unpronounceable names. So I'm confused who they go with here. I'll predict Curtis Lazar, which is somewhat like Bo Horvat-lite. A goal-scoring, gritty center who can play dirty. It`s about time for his arrival.

19. Columbus Blue Jackets - Frederik Gauthier - D
In Bo Horvat, the Jackets drafted the perfect #2 center. In Gauthier, the Jackets draft the perfect #3. Big. Huge. Massive. And for a big guy, he can skate. Not exactly dynamic offensively, but he's got some skill.

20. San Jose Sharks - Ryan Pulock - D
Pulock is polarizing: Scouts either seem to love him or hate him. A skilled defenseman with solid offensive potential. For a Sharks team getting long in the tooth, he has a real chance at a decent future.

Intermission: David Paul's house
Last year to watch the draft, me and a bunch of guys got together at David's house. We watched the draft on his little tiny 19" television, but it's a draft, so who cares if you can see? Besides, everything after Pick #15 is boring and pointless. The food was good and there was, like, an entire keg of beer to drink, so a good time was had by all.

My bestie Felicity was also there, and I learned a few important things about her that night. First of all, she can drink like a fish. Put the rest of us to shame, actually. Secondly, she has the patience of a saint. She found the draft boring as hell, but there she was, four hours later, pretending it was the most interesting evening ever. Let me give you a tip, gents: When you go out there to order a bride off of eBay, find someone like Fliss. Cute, likes horse racing, owns a bunny named "Snickers". Good people. Is L1 and L2 going to be there this year?

21. Toronto Maple Leafs - Kerby Rychel - LW
Trololo.

22. Calgary Flames - Samuel Morin - D
Robyn Regehr was a tool who couldn't skate, but he more or less destroyed Ales Hemsky's career. In Calgary, there's a market for a defenseman like that. Morin could be the next Chara, without the talent.

23. Washington Capitals - Adam Erne - LW
A good, safe pick at 23. Bobbie Mac says he's not brilliant at anything in particular, but is a solid all-around player. For a team like Washington that has a few guys with elite talent, there's a need for a few good, solid support players to fill out the roster.

24. Vancouver Canucks - Andre Burakovsky - LW
It's best player available at this point. Burakovsky has speed and skill. The Canucks don't really possess prospect depth, so they can draft for any position and have it matter. How Mike Gillis keeps his job is anyone's guess. Makes Feaster look like the guy who hands out parchment for Mensa.

25. Montreal Canadiens - Valentin Zykov - LW
Big, gritty winger who played in the Q last season. For a team that needs size up front, this is a logical selection. Not exciting. Just logical.

26. Anaheim Ducks - Robert Hagg - D
Oh, I have no idea at this point. Hagg sounds like a decent pick. Are we done yet?

27. Columbus Blue Jackets - Jacob De La Rose - Forward
Cool name. Can play all three forward positions. Is a two-way forward. How many picks are the Jackets going to make in the first round, anyway?

28. Calgary Flames - Tristan Jarry - G
It's the Flames, so I don't mind doing a little dumpster diving in order to predict who they take. As I mentioned, Feaster is a member of Mensa. He took a center with his first pick, and a defenseman with his second pick, so I'm thinking Feaster likely believes he needs to take a goalie with his third pick to make this all legal and official. A forward, a defenseman and a goalie equals a hockey team, right? Jarry's going to throw his hat at James Duthie when this pick gets made, because it means he'll spent the rest of his life being backup to Laurent Brossoit.

29. Dallas Stars - Ryan Hartman - RW
You notice how all the good teams traded away their 1st round picks? I don't know a single thing about Ryan Hartman. I pity the fool who does. No life whatsoever.

30. Chicago Blackhawks - Josh Morrissey - D
Is this guy any relation to that Morrissey guy from The Smiths? Emo. Worse than emo. I mean, good god man, cheer up. Eat a bottle of Prozac or something.

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