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Too Wrong Finland Thanks for Everything, Kyle Turris |
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Kyle Turris..."Blah blah blah,Hockey in Finland sucks...Blah blah blah, what do you have to do to find a Big Mac here?...Blah blah blah, the bus rides are worse here than back in Junior." I can't stand that guy. Hey Kyle, no one is forcing you to play hockey in Finland. Lockout, my butt. Get a job.
Did TSN decide to start showing KHL games? That was the rumor yesterday. The KHL on TSN. I would rather watch rocks dry in the sun than watch the KHL, but the NHL has managed to screw life up for all of us. It's either watching Russian hockey, or watching basketball. Look, a basket! Followed by...another basket! Followed by...yet another basket! Yawn. Who thinks sports like this up?
Does anyone still remember why there's a lockout? Something about 52% whole wheat or some other gibberish. That's how arguments between feuding family members work: At first, both sides are so furious, they could spit (sorry 'bout my southern tongue; the wife is making me watch countless episodes of True Blood because there's no hockey around to distract me. On that subject, am I the only one who's noticed Anna Penguin is sorta strange looking? She's got this twisted eyebrow/lip combination thing that makes watching her an experience in Magic Eye).
During a family feud everyone keeps arguing with things getting more and more heated; but after a while no one can remember how the argument started. In the world of the NHL, it goes something like this: "We're all really rich, but you wanted to take a tiny bit of those riches back from me, and I can't have that, so I'm going to pout, and cry, and kick my feet until you give up and leave me alone." Of course, we all know how this is going to end...little kids in Toys R Us know having a tantrum isn't going to get them the LOL Elmo any faster, but they do it anyway, just to make sure the parents are as miserable as possible. Call it Scorched Earth or an "Everybody Hurts" policy. Know what I call it? Another episode of True Blood. Oh, do you think Sookie and that hottie redhead Bill sired will kiss after drinking too much Baby Duck? I hope so! Gosh, this sure beats watching Steve MacIntyre disembowel a member of the Flames on live television.
At least it's Christmas, and you know what that means: World Junior Hockey Championships...which also will be happening in Russia...with games taking place in the middle of the night. And don't go telling me life is fine, and I can just PVR the games. You know as well as I do I'm gonna get bored half-way through and will look up the final score online. So let's just skip the pretense and just cut to the chase...I'll look up the box scores first thing in the morning. There's no need to watch the game after that, and that gives me more time to watch True Blood. Man, that Jason Stackhouse is dumb, falling for the preacher's wife. But why does that church lady make me feel all funny down there every time they show her on the screen? I'll never understand religion.
I'll let you in on my hunch when it comes to the WJC 2013: The officiating is going to be more rigged in Russia's favor than it was during the 1972 Summit Series. Team Canada's only chance at the gold is if they go all Broadstreet Bullies...Which, if you ask me, would be hella fun to watch. When is the last time you've seen a good line brawl? The Olympics is in Russia in 2014, and having Russia win every hockey medal between now and then will increase the anticipation (and ratings). Coming to a TSN near you next week, see Ivan Drago knocking out a mouthful of Apollo Creed's bloody Chiclets. It's too bad we're talking Apollo Creed instead of Apolo Ohno. Lame. I can't stand that guy for some reason.
I downloaded the faux Nirvana song. You know, the one with Sir Paul instead of Cobain. It's a pretty half-assed attempt at song writing, but Krist Novoselic is an absolute beast on bass. Seriously, download it and tell me if I'm wrong. I would take fake Nirvana over Bieber any day. Do you think McCartney would place the Stanley Cup upside down if he had the chance?
So apparently, the NHL and NHLPA aren't talking. Well, they call each other once a day to tell each other they aren't talking. What is this, Grade 5? Maybe. Either Bettman and Fehr truly hate each other, or they want to be sitting in a tree.
"Industry Insiders" keep saying how we'll have hockey in the middle of January. And they keep insisting the NHL needs to set a "Drop Dead" date. Why? There was a Drop Dead date: It was around October 15, and both sides screwed it up. I'm thinking the media keeps insisting Bettman set a date so they have something to talk about. "OMG, the NHL says if there's no solution by January 10, they're pulling the plug on the season!" That sounds more dramatic than "OMG, eventually the NHL will need to pull the plug on the season." The date is irrelevant. If the NHL and the PA want hockey bad enough, they'll figure something out. Apparently, we haven't hit bottom yet. Just keep swimming...
The NHLPA has announced that voting on the Disclaimer of Interest will end on Thursday, and at which time, they may or may not count the vote, with the results perhaps possibly being released on Friday, but we're not sure. Isn't this a digital vote? My computer spits out simple calculations in about 0.0000001 seconds. Maybe faster. How hard is it to count up 750 'yes' or 'no' votes? This entire Disclaimer of Interest thing is the biggest fraud since Ryan Kesler. Just get on with it already. If the agenda here is the blow up the league, I'll light the match for you. I'm so sick of the emotional blackmail coming from everyone involved.
The problem with me is, I still have hope. Somewhere deep down inside my perverted soul is a belief that the players and owners actually care about someone more than just themselves. Some part of me believes in Christmas miracles, and candy popcorn, and puppy dogs raining from the sky.
Hey, if this lockout continues and the entire NHL season is lost, don't blame it on Barack Obama or Steven Harper. They've done their part. A few days ago, President Obama said publicly that the lockout is really bad. And then, on Tuesday, Prime Minister Harper said the lockout is really, really bad. I'm expecting sometime on Wednesday Prime Minister of Great Britain David Cameron will pronounce the lockout, "really, really, really bad," followed by a radical statement on Thursday from Australia's Prime Minister Julia Gillard, whereas she refers to the NHL labour crisis as an, "intolerable cruelty." This will be followed by more and more useless politicians lining up to condemn the NHL, not because they have a clue what they're saying, but just because being able to throw in your two bits is a perk of world domination. The only person who won't be complaining is Vladimir Poutine, who may be the driving force behind this whole situation. Cold War over, my arse. This is one big plot to see Ivan Drago punch Apollo Creed's lights out on national television.
I need to be going. This is the episode where Bill bites Sookie, and Sookie is in lots of pain, but kinda likes it anyway...and then my wife will comment on how Stephen Moyer is kinda hot, even though he looks too pale to me to be even considered lukewarm. Why do chicks dig vampires so much, anyway? Are they Russian?
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
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