1. A Better Dedication from the League to Player Safety.
Whether it was Duncan Keith being given a four game vacation to rest up for the Playoffs, or Shane Doan being forgiven for his attempted murder of Kris Letang, the NHL did very little last year to protect it's players.
Add in their continued and shameful denial of the effects of concussions and their mercenary-like profiteering on fighting and it starts to feel like the NHL has no cares at all when it comes to player safety.
Harsher, more accurate, fairer suspensions. No fighting. Zero Tolerance on hits from behind, attacks to the head or neck area and high sticking would go a long way to make the game safer.
Odds of seeing this: 0%
I would love to see HNIC, TSN and Sportsnet actually hire some people capable of talking intelligently about the game.
Instead, I expect to see Jeff O'Neil and Doug McLean screaming at people about plus/minus and making fun of "nerds."
Any panel featuring Ray Ferraro, Glen Healy, Damien Cox, Steve Simmons , Jeff O'Neil, Doug Mclean, Mike Milbury or Craig Button is not a panel I'm interested in.
Here is an list of people I do like to listen to: Elliot Friedman, Mike Johnson, Steve Kouleas, Kelly Hrudey.
Odds of this happening: 1.5% Odds of Jeff O'Neil unblocking me on Twitter and PMing me again to yell at me: even.
3. Teams I like Stop Being Garbage
Last year was the worst year of hockey I can remember because the three teams I cheer for - The Leafs, Coyotes, and Oilers - were nearly unwatchable and were all eliminated by half-way through October.
Worse, these teams have collectively been bad for like ten years. I can't honestly remember the last time I cared about the result of a hockey game, so please, for the love of Lanny's mustache, can we for ______ _______ have some positive results for the good teams?
Odds of this happening: 100% the Leafs and Coyotes will (at worst) be fun to watch and the Oilers will be among the NHL's best teams.
Goes without saying, obviously. Team Young Money hasn't won since 2012-13 (and I got the T-Shirt and Karate Man Trophy to prove it) so we are due. If I get top pick, I'm taking McDavid.
Odds: 1 in 14
5. A Way to Prove to My Wife, that I, a Grown Man of 34, Love her More than Auston Matthews, a 19 year-old Boy with Seemingly Illiterate Parents.
She thinks flowers and jewelry are lame, so not sure how to approach this one. Taking down the life size poster from the ceiling over our bed may be a good start.
Odds: 1%
6. More P.Ks and Patrices
The NHL is made up of roughly 700 or so players. Of those players, exactly two of them have a personality. This makes the sports somewhat more boring than it has to be.
Even if you look for personality in the ex-players and coach/GMS the only alternative from boring invisible guy is the blow hard (Burke, Roenick, Torterella etc. )
I wan't post-game profanity. I want hallway fights, and I want being a ___ for non reason, but I also want a sense of humour, some intelligence and some deep thoughts. I want insane press conferences, scandals, rumours and intrigue.
2016-17 should be the season where players go out of their way to show they have a personality. Any personality. Or just a pulse.
Odds: Unlikely. In the NHL, if you have a personality you get labeled "bad in the room" and then even if you're among the best players in the world, you get traded for a worse player and aren't allowed on Team Canada because you're not "leadery" enough.
He's an entertaining writer, but I think he really needs help for his pun-addiction. Garth, if you're ready to seek help for your love of puns, I am here for you my brother.
Odds: Zero
8. Trades Will Occur
Man I love a good trade to go down. While it was awesome at the time, having 99% of the summers hockey action take place within a half hour was the worst. It should have been spread out to make the long days of summer more palatable.
With about 35 days to go until the season starts, we need to see some transactions, and as soon as possible.
Odds: Good.
9. People Will Stop Saying Top-Six or Bottom-Six
This is really annoying because it hasn't been a thing in the NHL for a few years now (unless you watch only teams managed by Brian Burke, I guess). Third lines should be interchangeable with second lines so lets get the nomenclature to match the times. Either way, I think we can all agree that the game has moved to a top-nine/bottom-three format.
Odds: No.
10. People Will Stop Saying "Stats Only Tell Part of the Story"
Remember how annoying it used to be when people did Austin Powers / Borat impressions? This is the hockey version of that. It's factually inaccurate and annoying. Cliches always are.
Odds of this occuring: 2% Odds of forty people saying it in the comments section to be "funny": 99% Odds of several people giving long-winded explanations on why its actually true? 96.5%