We’re two weeks clear of the ghosts and ghouls of Halloween, and by now those massive Halloween candy bowls that once made spellbound children salivate have diminished significantly. Whether you have children or simply remember being one, you know exactly what I’m talking about. On the day after Halloween that bowl was crammed with cavity-inducing treats like chocolate bars, licorice and M&Ms. My gums ache just thinking about it.
However, in the previous two weeks the bowl has been combed through more rigorously than Dallas Eakins’ mane, leaving the caramels, lollipops, gumballs, and other assorted candy that lingers at the bottom of the bowl until December. I can always remember saving the last chocolate bar for a few extra days, somehow wishing it would multiply overnight and replenish the bowl. Alas, it never did.
Similarly, we’re exactly two months clear of the Edmonton Oilers’ first preseason game, and by now that massive bowl of promise that made weary Oiler fans salivate has diminished significantly. If you’re reading this and nodding glumly, you know exactly what I’m talking about. After those first split-squad bouts with the Flames we scanned the roster and delighted in what players like Hall, Eberle, Yakupov and Dubnyk would accomplish.
However, in the previous two months that hope has been decimated. Like an overzealous fat kid swallowing a Milky Way whole, wrapper and all, we have no trace of the optimism that once captivated us. Peering into that same bowl today, we find that Hall is struggling to do anything, Eberle is snakebitten, Yakupov is an absolute mess, and Dubnyk is being replaced by a guy the Philadelphia Flyers are paying not to play for them.
The Oilers won five of their eight preseason games, and enjoyed a four-game winning streak before the real pucks started flying. They’ve won four of their first 20 regular season games, and I would bet my Grant Fuhr replica mask that we don’t see a four-game winning streak by the time the current campaign comes to its merciful conclusion. Assessing the Oilers’ last 20 games, I figured I would share my sad sojourn through the five stages of grief.
1. Denial – Games 1-4: 1-3 stretch
I found myself in complete denial when the Oilers limped out of the gate. Just as a newborn deer, cow, or any other four-legged mammal stumbles around like an inebriated Rob Ford during its first steps, I figured the team was just finding its legs. Plus, there were encouraging signs. The Oilers scored 11 goals through that first four-game stretch, and I assumed that offensive production was the one area where the team would provide some consistency.
Sure there were some difficult early losses, but we all had the perfect scapegoat. Dubnyk took the brunt of the blame early on, and deservedly so, but his putrid performance only masked the team’s deficiencies in other areas. We were literally witnessing the beginning of the end, and the closest we would ever come to .500, but we held our heads high. We were content with the belief that things started out poorly, but they would get better.
2. Anger – Games 5-8: 0-3-1 stretch
The Oilers embarked on a six-game road trip through the Eastern Conference, but that didn’t ease the sting of four consecutive losses. There were nights when the drywall next to my television was in serious danger of being penetrated by my right fist, Darcy Wakaluk-style. However, Wakaluk taught us all a valuable lesson: If you value your hands don’t punch walls with them. That’s the only thing that helped me keep my cool after the Oilers’ 6-5 overtime loss to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Eakins also contributed to the anger, as Yakupov was a healthy scratch for the first two contests of this four-game stretch. It didn’t make much sense then and makes even less now, as Yakupov has continued to struggle and Eakins played his only trump card a month ago. I’m sorry, I have to move on before I fly into a DeBrusk-ian rage and either throw a garbage can throw a window or beat up the nearest cab driver.
3. Bargaining – Games 9-12: 2-2 stretch
The brightest spot in the Oilers’ catastrophic opening 20 came with back-to-back wins against the Ottawa Senators and Montreal Canadiens to wrap up their six-game trip. Suddenly, Oiler fans had a little hope to cling to. Even the most cynical began to reason that if the goaltending held up and the team could string together a couple more wins they could weather the early storm, even as Hall went down with a knee injury.
Dismantling the Canadiens in Montreal was the team’s most complete victory of the season. However, rather than crediting his struggling team with the victory, Eakins chose to focus on Montreal forward Lars Eller’s harmless bulletin board material instead. Eakins’ comment was a funny one, but it completely took the wind out of his own team’s sails and was a bush league move for an NHL head coach. Predictably, the Oilers dropped their next two games.
4. Depression – Games 13-16: 1-2-1 stretch
Hopelessness set in during the midway point of Edmonton’s 4-0 loss to the Toronto Maple Leafs. I had never honestly expected the Oilers to make the playoffs this season, but that was the point when I gave up hope for them even being within discus-throwing distance of the postseason. It was a dark time, as each Oiler fan had to confront the reality that the Oilers aren’t any better than they were when Dwayne Roloson left town. In fact, they’re probably worse.
I’ll admit, I’m an emotional guy. I get a little misty-eyed each time I watch the movie Rudy – even as Jon Favreau yells, “Who’s the wild man now?!… – and I bawled like a teething baby as I watched Gretzky’s final game. Having said that, I can confirm that the room got a little dusty after Edmonton’s 5-0 loss to the Detroit Red Wings. It’s on the list of the worst games I’ve ever seen the team play, and resulted in absolute soul-crushing, ice cream-slurping despair.
5. Acceptance – Games 17-20: 0-4 stretch
The latest stretch began with a strong effort in a 4-2 loss to the Tampa Bay Lightning, but then the Smid trade happened. Watching him tonight draped in the colors of the Oilers’ chief rival – both historically, geographically, and in the current standings – was another form of cruel and unusual punishment that the team has subjected me to this season, but I’m past feeling. Eventually you just become numb to the entire season, as watching games becomes an obligation and writing blogs detailing the latest defeat becomes a chore.
It’s either a lack of scoring, defense or goaltending that does the team in from night to night. Sometimes it’s two of those, and occasionally all three. It’ll likely be goaltending against the Sharks on Friday, then scoring in Calgary on Saturday, and the doomed season will proceed. Yakupov will lobby for ice time he doesn’t deserve, Eakins will remain on the perpetual hot seat, Bryzgalov will provide goaltending reminiscent of Khabibulin, and MacTavish will preach patience. The Oilers will continue to circle the drain, but at least my grieving process is over.
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Quick Spills
- Amazingly, there could be more anger in store. Tambellini was petrified to do anything and MacTavish is petrified to move one of the big four, but he did indicate that he’s looking to move the team’s 2014 first-round pick for a roster player on an entry-level contract. So, for all the suffering Oiler fans are likely to endure over the next 62 games we don’t even get a prize for it at the end? MacTavish is willing to sacrifice a sure-fire top three lottery pick in order to put lipstick on this pig of a season and give himself a little additional job security? If Katz doesn’t clean house before this happens he’s a bigger boob than I thought.
- Both Florida and Buffalo have fired their head coaches, and I haven’t seen a convincing argument that Eakins doesn’t deserve the same fate. There have been a lot of suggestions lately that the Oilers have struggled because of a lack of continuity, with four head coaches in the last five seasons, and I just don’t buy it. These are NHL hockey players with fully functioning brains, not outdated computers that can’t accept new programs or operating systems. Eakins has implemented systems that don’t work, both during 5-on-5 play and special teams, and he continues to make changes because those systems haven’t worked. Blaming the parade of coaches takes Eakins off the hook and insults the players’ intelligence.
ryan.garner@hockeybuzz.com