Follow Paul on Twitter: @paulstewart22
When other people make decisions about you, it requires you to make your own decision to accept or reject theirs. During my playing and active refereeing days, there were many decisions made about me that I chose not to accept.
I would never had played a game of pro hockey -- let alone making it to the NHL twice over and then lasting 1,010 games as a referee -- if I simply listened to all those who told me I should find another line of work.
Sometimes, the decisions made about me were legitimate. Other times they just did not seem valid because they based their thoughts on their own prejudice and their own personal inadequacies. Give some people a little power and they became tyrants and bullies.
If I wasn't good enough, fast enough or talented enough -- there was never a question that I was tough enough -- I figured I would know it for myself well before they would tell me. Honesty about yourself is one aspect that any athlete has to have to be a success and to overcome exactly what they need to overcome to progress.
When I was breaking in as a player and then as a referee, I had a few things going for myself. I loved to work out; I was downright obsessive compulsive about lifting the weights, hitting the bag, running, biking and all doing those situps and pushups. I loved to skate and still do.
I made a net from 2x4's and old tennis netting using a weighted a stick shooting 300 pucks a day. I did pushups and pullups listening to the Rocky soundtrack over and over and over again until I was on the brink of collapse.
One of most powerful sports-related scenes in cinematic history was the one in the original Rocky where aging trainer and former bantam weight boxer Mickey Goldmill (portrayed by the legendary Burgess Meredith) comes to Rocky Balboa's ramshackle home and practically begs Rocky to become his manager. Mickey pours his heart out to Rocky about all the hard-learned and painful lessons he experienced during his own career.
Harboring a grudge with Mickey for the many years that the old man treated him with disdain -- and still not grasping that Mickey's mistreatment of him stemmed from the frustration of having once seen potential in Rocky and witnessing how casually and thoughtlessly the young boxer wasted it -- Rocky at first rejects the offer.
In a famous rant that was not part of the original script and was improvised over two takes, Sylvester Stallone's Rocky character unleashes years of pent-up anger at Mickey: "Talkin' about your prime! What about my prime, Mick?! Least you had a prime! I didn't have no prime, I didn't have nothin'!"
When he is finished his rage, Rocky runs out of the house and catches up to the old man on the street. He has realized that he really does need Mickey as much as Mickey needs him, and they reconcile. In the distance, we see Rocky put his arm around Mickey and then they shake hands under a street lamp, with an elevated train passing overhead at the climactic moment.
None of us can make it alone in life or in our careers. There were plenty of people who helped me along the way, in both of my careers.
In my refereeing career, as I have said many times, I had to learn on the job how to be a professional official. I've mentioned before how much of a debt of gratitude I owe to everyone from John McCauley and Scotty Morrison to people like Frank Udvari, Lou Maschio and many of the veteran referees and linesmen who accepted me as a teammate and helped me with their knowledge and wisdom.
From my playing days, there were the likes of Pat "Whitey" Stapleton, Billy Gratton, Butch Deadmarsh, Andre Boudrias, Jamie Hislop, Larney Fowler and Bud from the Class of '23 Rink who looked the other way when I came in the back door to skate at all hours. Coaches Eddie Dalton, Ed Kirrane, Jon Choate, Dave Rogerson and Junie O'Brien got me to Penn where Bob Crocker helped me get an Ivy League degree along with Larry Davenport and Peter Yetten who took the time to help me get through. There was legendary Flyers coach Fred Shero and members of his Broad Street Bullies team who helped me believe I could actually have a pro career.
During my playing and refereeing careers, I admit that I wondered at times what it would be like to BE the decision maker about others. Now that I have been living that life for many years, I understand more about the challenges involved. It carries incredible responsibility and comes with moments of hoping and praying that I made the right decisions.
I think that perhaps more than any moment I deal with daily is that exact moment after I make a decision and I am now knowing that my decision is set in stone, that I realize my worries are not really over. There can be no going back. As a result, there still is that little worry, hope, prayer, in my mind, wondering if I did it right.
Being the boss entails all of this in the process.
Decisions such as who gets assigned to certain games, whether an individual can continue on in their Officiating career, suspending a player or a coach...all that is tough stuff but those decisions don't really worry me because Hockey has been my life. I know the game.
The real nagging tug on my mind and even my confidence happens when I start to think about where and when I want to work, negotiating the deal and getting the job done. Even that "stuff" is easy compared to what we all face as we raise our kids.
I don't think a night goes by that I am not silently praying, hoping that those issues that my wife and I have decided on as parents are on the mark. Hooking, holding, goal, no goal and who to assign pales in comparison.
My two boys want to make it and they are willing to pay the price. The work part is up to them, coaching and encouragement will get them on the right path. It won't be easy. There is a lot of competition.Good results take work and an investment of time and energy.
Just thought I'd let you know just in case you forget how blessed we truly are. Lastly, don't forget that, with good health, all things are possible. Have a good weekend!
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Paul Stewart holds the distinction of being the first U.S.-born citizen to make it to the NHL as both a player and referee. On March 15, 2003, he became the first American-born referee to officiate in 1,000 NHL games.
Today, Stewart is an officiating and league discipline consultant for the Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) and serves as director of hockey officiating for the Eastern College Athletic Conference (ECAC).
The longtime referee heads Officiating by Stewart, a consulting, training and evaluation service for officials. Stewart also maintains a busy schedule as a public speaker, fund raiser and master-of-ceremonies for a host of private, corporate and public events. As a non-hockey venture, he is the owner of Lest We Forget.
Stewart is currently working with a co-author on an autobiography.