Follow @james_tanner123 The World Cup is a success. Adding something akin to Playoff hockey to what is usually the most boring time of the hockey calendar was unquestionably a good idea.
The tickets sold, the ads sold, and everyone is taking it super seriously - press conferences, analysis, the whole thirty seven yards, basically.
Barely anyone is complaining about the sickening amount of greed seen in the form of shameful jersey ads and ticket prices - and why would they?
Most people I know are more angered by people complaining than they are by disgusting behavior. "Awe jersey ads aren't that bad, but I do wish you would shut up. When is Survivor on?"
There is just nothing I can say about these spoiled cynical accepters of the sub-par that will make them wake up or care about anything I have to say, so I'll leave it there. But it is pathetic.
Those who've ever spent five minutes thinking about any of the dozens of vampire flicks they've seen, will know that the entire point of vampires is to show how death gives meaning to life. "DRACULA IS IMMORTAL BUT SO SO LONELY etc." (you get the idea).
If we extend this metaphor to sports, we know that losing gives meaning to winning. I guarantee you Cubs fans are going to enjoy winning the World Series more than Yankees fans would. Leafs fans have more to gain from a Stanley Cup than say if the Penguins were to win their fourth Cup in eight years.
It's because the entire thing about sports that appeals to us is the underdog story. The chance for someone to rise above expectations and create a special moment.
Michael Phelps winning another gold medal is fun only to him, his family and people who don't think about it. The real reason anyone gives a shit is to see someone rise up and defeat him - even the chance of an upset gets us excited.
On some level, the reason stats have such a hard time finding mainstream acceptance is the same reason no one cares that wrestling is fake,or that ghosts are not real, or that 100% of magicians are frauds who do not know any magic.
For most people, life sucks and sports are an escape - a chance to see the impossible become possible.
That is why people got so excited about the North American team - not only were they fun to watch, but you got the feeling that they might actually do the impossible and win the whole thing.
When they lost, most people checked out. When the Swedes lost, everyone else did.
The tournament went from exciting to exhibition in about two seconds. Why? Because no one else can beat Canada or even has a chance.
Team Europe? They capitalized on a fraudulent set-up designed to create a Canada vs USA final. (And team USA, as an aside, forgot that when a team with grit beats a team with skill, it's an example of the improbable coming to life - it's not something you try to create on purpose, because the whole reason people like when grit beats skill is because it almost never happens).
There is a very low chance that Europe could beat Canada in a single game - I'd ballpark it at 1 in 5 - and so a single-game Final may have been exciting. However, the odds of Europe winning 2 of 3 games vs team Canada are virtually zero.
There's an exciting long-shot and then there's Bill Nye boxing against Mike Tyson.
That nerd is going down.
And that's what this whole tournament's problem is - too many nerds and one super-powered villain. It's not that made-up teams aren't exciting to cheer for, it's not that it's "not the Olympics" either, or that it's a "money grab."
Those are things people are trying out as reasons that they don't care, but they just can't put their finger on the real problem.
WE ARE THE BAD GUYS.
That's right. Canada is the Empire. Canada is Slytherin. We (Canadians) are the fat-cats golfing and earning interest on your savings while you work 76 hours a week in a sweaty factory, while your pension steadily declines in value and while they perpetually play the classic-rock station until even the mention of Steely Dan or Foreigner sends you into a murderous rage.
(Spoiler Alert: Harry wins. But his name's in the title, so if that really spoils it for you, maybe you still get really excited when Canada wins. )
The point is that for the book to have any meaning, there has to be a chance that the hero wins. In this tournament, Canada is the bad guy, but there's almost no chance anyone else can win.
They are too good.
How can you jump out of your seat and run around screaming when Canada defeats a team who might have two or three players that could make their team?
It's an absolute joke.
Then to have a Mike Babcock press conference where he's taking it so, so painfully serious? Or to even watch them celebrate when they score a goal - it's the worst.
Actually, the worst is probably when someone from Canada opines that they hope they go back to real countries. Yeah, the one thing this tournament was really missing was a good Canada vs Belarus rivalry game with a football score.
To be blunt: Team Canada is too good. Cheering for them is like cheering for an omnipotent narrator. It's the same reason Superman movies usually suck - you can't really find him any competition without getting somewhat ridiculous.
So Olympics, World Cup, whatever. Until Canada can lose games other than when they have the occasional bad luck, it's all a waste of time.