Dear Buffalo,
You don't dislike us, we don't dislike you. In fact, we both have extremely similar agendas tonight. We've noticed that you have implemented our drafting strategy from yesteryear. It's not very fun at the moment, but none of your fans will care about the terrible season you are having when you get to watch real hockey players on a nightly basis that can also do some really cool things with the puck.
We have also noticed that the league has frowned upon you intentionally using our drafting strategy. Changing the lottery odds so you only have a one in five chance for McDavid if you finish in last?! Man, that's rough. Although, we had a 48% chance at getting Alexander Ovechkin and lost that lottery, things seem to have turned out OK.
The nice thing about your attempt to be bad is that it has been done with such stealth-like skill by your GM. When we did it the reason was because we were dirt poor and inept. Your GM is so good at it that even your head coach doesn't realize you don't want to win. He just thinks the players have to try harder! Boy, I can imagine the look on his face when you hire a more capable coach to take over your new roster that actually has potential.
Not only is your draft strategy similar but our two cities aren't all that different either. We both have experienced some down time after our manufacturing jobs dried up, but we are both on the upswing now. HarborCenter looks great! Can't wait to check it out when we visit next week. Hey our football teams even have the same record half way through the season, when was the last time that happened?
Anyways, let's come together this evening and give each team what they need for tonight's game. You can watch contently as Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin zip around on the ice collecting massive amounts of points and we'll nod in approval of the masterful job you have done to assure yourself a great player in next year's draft. Take comfort in the fact there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some people may try and tell you how dishonorable this strategy is (even some of your own fans) but I don't see any of our fans complaining about having Sidney and Evgeni. You gotta do what you gotta do to get ahead. Keep the bigger picture in mind, sometimes winning all the small battles isn't worth it.
We'll gladly win this small battle so that you can win your long term goal.
All the best (or worst)!
Your mentor in tanking,
Pittsburgh Penguins
PS: If you have any questions just remember you hired a guy in January who knows tanking best, just refer to Craig Patrick's expertise.
PPS: If you really want to lock up last place on the cheap we have two candidates on our fourth line that can help put the final nail in your season's coffin, just saying.
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