Follow @james_tanner123 In the department of lame promotions, the Coyotes present "Throwback Night." That's right, a franchise less than twenty years old is celebrating all things retro.
Like Season One of Friends? I call Ross!
OK, call me a cynical jerk, but Throwback Night? Seriously, can I count the ways this is a bad idea?
But first, what the hell is a "Throwback"? I could understand Retro Night, or 17th anniversary of the End of Our First Season Night. But "Throwback"? I dunno, doesn't really have much of a ring to it, if you ask me. (Which you consented to doing by clicking on this blog).
Throwback to what? There is nothing to "Throw-back" to.
Here's a hot tip: Don't hold "Throwback Night" when one of the players from your inaugural game is still in the lineup.
Of maybe don't do it at a time when your retired alumni could beat the team you have on the ice?
Or better yet, wait until the 20th anniversary? I mean, that's at least a nice round number.
But a random retro celebration in the middle of the team's 18th season? I guess it's a good marketing ploy, although I can't see anyone sitting at home going "You know, I really think it would be cool to see the team lose it's eleventh in a row while wearing hideous jerseys."
But JR will be there! Sorry, but an ex-player appearing at centre ice just doesn't do it for me. Besides, I stopped liking Roenick earlier today when I found out he is friends with Donald Trump. Sorry, but that's the limit for me. I draw the line at Trump.
I duuno......I guess I just hate lame promotions that celebrate mediocrity. It'd be like if they made Rob Schneider's birthday a national holiday. I mean, I liked Deuce Bigalow 2 as much as the next guy, but....
Anyways, I don't even feel comfortable calling anything from the 90's "retro" and the last time I Threwback anything was when I made the mistake of trying the crab legs at the Chinese Buffet.
Well, on to the game: It's a pretty sweet time to hold a celebration: [Imagine the following in a Monster Truck Rally Voice:] "Starting for your Arizona Coyotes, the new FIRST LINE CENTRE : Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark ArcaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaBellowwwwwwwwwwwww"
So, the Canucks will try to avoid embarrassment and hold onto their Playoff hopes while Mike Smith tries to remember which side of the net to stand in front of. Should be a blast.
And sorry if this isn't funny to you. I have watched A LOT of brutal hockey and my spirits are such that I can't really get to psyched about this debacle. I know the losing is necessary in the long-term, but seriously, watching it in the present is like watching the directors cut of Saved by the Bell: The College Years
i.e Brutal.
"Jessie got a job doing what?"
Oh well. I still love you Coyotes.