My Advice for Hockey Parents

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I am a firm believer that very little in one's working life comes down to luck or "getting breaks." For the most part, things we attribute to luck are actually self-made. Successful people make their own breaks.

While there are many good hockey parents out there, the bad apples spoil the batch. I am dismayed whenever I encounter idiot hockey parents who instill all the wrong attitudes and behaviors in their kids -- when they aren't too busy doing their damndest to squash their kids' enjoyment of the game by draining any fun out of it and giving them only negative reinforcement rather than letting the coaches do their job.

These are the parents who teach their own offspring to disrespect their coaches, the officials, and even their own teammates. They teach their kids to disregard their fellow players' safety. They teach them to embellish and whine. They teach them that their own ice time and statistics mean more than the team. (Ah, and what the bad parents start, the bad seed agents/ family advisors who are out there help finish off).

How dare that incompetent ref call a penalty on MY kid. Maybe a little extra verbal abuse will teach him a lesson.

How dare that stupid coach put that other kid out on the power play. Can't he see my kid's the second coming of Joe Sakic?

How dare that no-talent linemate not put every pass on my kid's tape. He's holding back my kid.

How dare that kid goalie let in a stoppable goal off his glove. Where the hell is Carey Price? Can't we get HIM in goal in this midget hockey game?

There is a good reason why the parents of kids who play goaltender or try their hand at officiating stereotypically sit by themselves at games. It's not that they are anti-social. They just want to restrain themselves from strangling the leather-lunged armchair refs and self-professed goaltending experts.

For the most part, hockey parents who actually played and/or officiated this game at a reasonably high level stress that the most important lesson to impart to young players is that there is no substitute for genuine love and passion for the game. Listen to your coaches, give and receive respect, put in the work on and off the rink (which won't even feel like work if the passion is genuinely burning inside), learn about self-discipline but also take time to enjoy a well-rounded life.

The number one thing hockey parents can do to help their aspiring players is to not try to micro-manage their games. If you feel those urges, take a walk and a deep breath and then back away.

Don't try make little Johnny into a little hockey robot on a 24/7 and 365-day-a-year basis and think that's going to make him a future NHLer. Don't send a kid against his will to every possible off-season clinic and every so-called "showcase" tournament. If the kid's passion is there, by all means encourage your kid and teach them about the resources they need to flourish. Give them straight talk and then let the hockey people do their jobs.

Bottom line: You can't will passion to be there in another human being no matter how much you try. In fact, you can do more harm than good. Trust me, the cream rises. If your kid has what it takes, it will show.

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The longtime referee heads Officiating by Stewart, a consulting, training and evaluation service for officials. Stewart also maintains a busy schedule as a public speaker, fund raiser and master-of-ceremonies for a host of private, corporate and public events. As a non-hockey venture, he is the owner of Lest We Forget.