Fraternizing with the 'Enemy'

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On the big changes that has happened in hockey over the last few decades is how openly chummy that players on opposing teams -- not just former teammates, either -- have become with one another before and after games. It is a regular sight to see players on the losing side standing around, amiably joking and chatting, after the game or players from opposing teams socializing with each other after games.

A lot of them have the same agents. Or they play in the same tournaments, of which there are many more these days than in yesteryear. The European guys often hang around with countrymen on the opposing team after the game.

I'm not saying it's wrong or right. It's just different.

Back when I played, we really didn't have too much to do with the other side. As a matter of fact, when I was on tryout with the New York Rangers, I caught flak for exchanging pregame pleasantries with Flyers' trainers and equipment guys and said hello to some of the Flyers players whom I'd gotten to know well during my time at the University of Pennsylvania.

"If you're so damn fond of those guys, maybe you go over to their side," I head someone grumble.

Whoever said it didn't know me very well. Eighty-one seconds after the opening faceoff, I was ejected from the game by referee John McCauley for accidentally pulling Steve Short's hair in a fight. I was still fired up. On the way to the dressing room, I challenged the entire Flyers' bench.

At any rate, my playing days were in an old-school era. It was not hard for me in that regard to make the transition to being an official -- where the expectation to this day is to avoid fraternizing with players or coaches, so as not to give anyone even a shred of ammunition to question an official's impartiality.

With rare exceptions -- charity golf functions, Wayne Gretzky throwing me a party attended by his parents to celebrate the birth of my first child, etc. -- I never had a problem with keeping my interactions limited with players, coaches and team officials. I did make friendships but we did not socialize together, especially during the season.

Nevertheless, the former NHL Director of Officiating got on my case more than once about "talking too much" to non-officials. Simple small-talk with long-time acquaintances or sharing a joke about fights from my playing days somehow got reported back to my boss and got me reprimanded. It was needless and mean-spirited micro-management. I resented it. Hell, I was even told I talk too much to arena employees, waiters, barmaids and hotel desk clerks.

I was told I needed to cure myself of that sort of behavior. I told my boss I wasn't aware that being sociable was a disease. He didn't like that. However, I will add -- without naming names -- that two officials who were about to be dismissed by John McCauley because of showing up for a playoff game unable to work had their careers saved after John died and the other guy took over. That was forgivable, but heaven forbid a referee strike up a conversation with someone other than his fellow officials.

My rule of thumb was always to try to look at things from the other side. Would it bother me to know as a coach or player if, for example, Mike Modano had randomly treated the referee to a round of golf after they passed by one another? Would it bother me if, say, Roger Neilson and an official talked in the hallway for a few minutes?

In other words, I let my own moral compass be my guide. I never took fraternization over the boundary lines. Everyone knew that from buzzer to buzzer, I was all business and the only thing I wanted was a fairly played game with good flow.

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The longtime referee heads Officiating by Stewart, a consulting, training and evaluation service for officials. Stewart also maintains a busy schedule as a public speaker, fund raiser and master-of-ceremonies for a host of private, corporate and public events. As a non-hockey venture, he is the owner of Lest We Forget.