A new hockey season has arrived in our lifetime, and below are 32 predictions that could happen this season, but most likely not.
1. Mighty Ducks of Anaheim— Swedish defenseman John Klingberg will have half his salary retained to be moved to the Eastern Conference for a first round pick.
2. Arizona State University — Jacob Chychrun will be traded to Ottawa.
3. Boston Tea Party— Boston runs out their entire contracts and brings back Zdeno Chara for a nostalgia run.
4. Buffalo Soldier — Despite their goaltending depth, Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen will be the number one goalie in 2023.
5. Calgary Stampede — Nazem Kadri will be a Selke Trophy finalist and the King Clancy Trophy.
6. Carolina Reaper — If you read my division preview, then you know they will win the Cup. But that’s not the prediction. Brent Burns will have a resurgence with scoring 20 goals on the blue line.
7. Chicago Deep Dish — they will be 32nd in the NHL by scorching the Earth. Patrick Kane will be traded to the Rangers; Jonathan Toews to the Bruins; Max Domi to Toronto; and Andreas Athansiou to Edmonton. Seth Jones remains as the franchise.
8. Mile High Hangover — Nathan MacKinnon will sign a short term deal to be the richest player in the NHL, at 4 years, $13M per season.
9. Columbus Day — Patrik Laine will have 45 goals while Johnny Gaudreau has 90 points with a rotating number one center; the number one c will not be figured out this year.
10. Dallas Cowboys — Anton Khudobin is moved to extend Jason Robertson before the season, and will be 6th in the Central until the All Star Break before Robertson gets warmed up.
11. Detroit v Everybody — Despite acquiring Ville Huso via trade, Alex Nedeljkovic will hold number one in the pipes. Dylan Larkin will sign an 8 year at $10M per season to buy into the Yzerplan.
12. Edmonton Oil Kings — Connor McDavid will have 125 points and will reap over the regular season award races on night one.
13. Party in Miami — aside the fun night from the playoffs and no state tax, the Florida Panthers take a step back to not party like 1996 two years in a row by being a first round exit in the playoffs, despite acquiring middling pieces at the deadline. PK Subban signs here.
14. California Love — The Los Angeles Kings miss the playoffs by one point. Quinton Byfield will be the second line center, moving Phillip Danault to the wing.
15. Minnesota North Stars — Marco Rossi will be a Calder Finalist, while Kirill Kaprizov scores 50 goals.
16. Montreal Maroons — Jonathan Drouin becomes a Colorado Avalanche; Evgeni Dadanov becomes a New York Islander; and Sean Monahan becomes an Ottawa Senator with all their salaries retained at 50%. Slafkovsky will be on the opening night roster. Cayden Primeau becomes the starter after the trade deadline.
17. Smashville. Roman Josi reaches the 100 point plateau to win the Norris Trophy and cement him as the best player to ever Dawn the Nashville Predators jersey.
18. Marty’s Team — Jack Hughes becomes the biggest bargain in the NHL before Thanksgiving. Alex Holtz becomes a 20 goal scorer from the Christmas break. Luke Hughes and Simon Nemec both burn their first year of entry level.
19. New York Devils — Lou’s team of veteran Devils that continues to decrease annually will be a playoff team with Ilya Sorokin winning the Veznia Trophy. In their offensive system and push of players in their prime, this is where John Klingberg will land.
20. New York Blackhawks — get ready for the top line of Artemi Panarin, Mika Zibanejad, and Patrick Kane each earning 100 points. Nils Lundkvist and Vitaly Kratsov will be moved to Chicago.
21. Wowttawa— Thomas Chabot becomes a Norris finalist for the first time in his career. All bad money is moved.
22. Pain Street — the Philadelphia Flyers will be last place in the Eastern Conference. The team is a mess and was going the right way under Hextall. The best move the Flyers made was to hire Torts, but this is the wrong time for this move.
23. Steal City — continuing to take advantage of Father Time, the Penguins will extend their playoff streak with both Pierre-Oliver Joseph and Ty Smith being full time defenders.
24. Shark Tank — San Jose will be a lottery team drafting the highest they have since Patrick Marleau. Erik Karlsson will demand a trade and will not be Shark after the 2022-2023 season.
25. Ya Like Jazz? The St. Louis Blues will 4 defensemen earn 40 points to show off their balanced lineup, and have 10 players score 15 goals or more.
26. SuperSonics — Conor Bedard will dawn the Kraken debut. Shane Wright returns to Kingston delaying the revenge tour. Oliver Bjorkstrand leads the Seattle Kraken in goals with 30.
27. Lightning Strikes Only Twice — after two cups in a row, the Bolts come up short two years in a row, and this time is in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals in overtime after a squeaky goal from Max Paccioretty on Andrei Vaslievsky. No hardware whatsoever lands here.
28. 1967 Continues — the Leafs win the President’ s Trophy and Auston Matthews wins the Rocket following up on 50 goals in 50 games. Marner and Matthews both have 100 points. Most goals for in the season. Ilya Samsonov beats out Matt Murray in camp to be the starter.
29. Toronto West — the number of former Leafs is piling up in Vancouver. The Canucks miss the playoffs with the weak defense and goaltending depth behind Demko. Michael DiPietro will be traded East.
30. Monopoly Money. The Vegas Golden Knights do not work the salary cap system and will acquire Jonas Korpisalo to beef their goaltending depth. Phil Kessel will score 35 with Vegas. He will lead the league in power play goals. Jack Eichel will have 95 points. Vegas clinches the playoffs as third in the Pacific, as mentioned yesterday; however, they will be 9th in the West.
31. KHL — The Russian movement comes together as Evgney Kuznetsov is the full time number one center by helping Alex Ovechkin get another 50 goal season.
32. Winningpeg— the Jets will be 6th in the Pacific; 8th in the playoffs; in the top 16 of league standings, and will miss as a result of the weak Western Conference. Pierre-Luc Dubois becomes a Montreal Canadien and will sign Jonathan Toews this summer to build a win now culture to the locker room.
What are your predictions? Comment below!
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