Have you ever faced an insurmountable challenge? I’m not talking 96-ounce steak dinners, Christmas trips to the in-laws, or rooting for Robert Nilsson. I mean a real challenge, facing odds longer than Alexei Semenov’s reach—the type of challenge that makes you instinctively start tapping out before it begins, like starring in a handicap match against both Gorilla Monsoon and King Kong Bundy. No way, no chance, no hope.
I faced a challenge like that during my first semester in college. My boyish naivety got the best of me, and I figured it would be a great decision to enroll in the earliest course I could—Introduction to Political Science. In theory, I would hop out of bed each morning at 6 a.m. eager to face the day, arriving in class ready to feast on Fenno’s Paradox and filibusters at 7 a.m. In reality, nothing made me embrace the snooze button like Introduction to Political Science.
After the first two weeks, tardies and absences piled up. After the first month, I stopped attending the class altogether. Growing up in Canada, my grasp of the American political system was tenuous at best—my only strong position was rejecting the Electoral College on moral grounds—but ignorance was bliss. Of course, ignorance was bliss until the end of the semester, when the final exam presented an insurmountable challenge. On the eve of the test I had one option: Cram like a fat kid on a Toblerone.
Fear can compel a man to do almost anything. In my case, it caused me to cram like nobody has ever crammed before, enduring a dizzying 14-hour political science binge. To this day, three moments are indelibly inked in my mind. 1) Staring slack-jawed and dumbfounded at a toaster-sized textbook that hadn’t been opened in two months. 2) The day’s first hint of sunlight creating an overwhelming sense of dread. 3) Recognizing only three—explain, the, of—of the seven words in the exam’s first question. I was doomed.
Perusing the Pacific Division
As the clock ticks down to the opening of the 2014-15 NHL season, the Edmonton Oilers are facing their own insurmountable challenge. What is it? The simple answer is making the playoffs, which has proven to be an impossible task for the last eight years. More specifically, digging a little deeper, which Pacific Division rivals can the Oilers leapfrog into the playoffs? Ignore the Central Division completely. Standing at the bottom of the Pacific Division looking up, suddenly a six-pound top sirloin or a second helping of Robert Nilsson doesn’t seem so bad.
We can eliminate the California teams right off the bat. The Los Angeles Kings will not be trifled with, the Anaheim Ducks ice one of the NHL’s most talented teams, and the San Jose Sharks consistently save their failure for April. Last season the gap between the California teams and the Oilers was so immense, casual observers could have questioned if they actually play in the same league. While I think each of the big three takes a slight step backward this season, we won’t see enough regression for them to enter the conversation.
Beating the Best of the Rest
That leaves four teams battling for a single wild card spot, starting with the rebranded Arizona Coyotes. You might be tempted to overlook the Coyotes, but they finished 22 points higher than the Oilers last year and the team is only two seasons removed from a trip to the Western Conference final. Arizona is the chicken pot pie of Pacific Division teams: Far from sexy, but immensely filling and nutritious. Damn, now I’m hungry for chicken pot pie. Building a defensive foundation under head coach Dave Tippett, the Coyotes don’t present an easy out.
A team in transition, the Vancouver Canucks could be vulnerable this season. Vancouver’s veteran core has to contend with injuries and inefficiency, giving the Oilers a chance to make some noise against a team that’s spent the last 10 (15?) years relentlessly pounding them. Could Edmonton dish out some long-awaited payback? If it wasn’t so creepy Oiler fans would be licking their lips. Ryan Miller steps in as Roberto Luongo 2.0 to secure the goaltending, but there are huge question marks surrounding the aging Sedins’ ability to propel the Canucks forward.
Closest to home, we have the Calgary Flames. The Battle of Alberta might have devolved into a three-legged turtle derby, but the Oilers have only finished higher than the Flames in the standings once in the last 10 seasons. On paper, Edmonton looks to have a more talented roster with greater upside, but what good is paper in the digital age? Paper is used to wrap fish and wipe butts, and doesn’t mean anything compared to on-ice results. Calgary is not some creampuff pushover, especially after adding Jonas Hiller between the pipes.
Once you break it all down, the task is immense. Leapfrogging only one team would represent progress, but leapfrogging three who have dominated the Oilers for nearly a decade? I’ve been there before. Woefully unprepared, trembling and short on sleep, I gave it my best shot; cramming like a spooked cat burglar before failing in spectacular fashion. The Oilers face an insurmountable challenge this season, stepping into the ring with Gorilla Monsoon and King Kong Bundy. In the face of failure, I hope they decide to put up a fight, enduring at least a couple airplane spins and big splashes before tapping out.
ryan.garner@hockeybuzz.com