You’d have to be living in a pierce-proof bubble not to let the furor of the current U.S. presidential election have some type of impact on your world – and that goes even for those of us who cover sports for a living. Indeed, when the phrase “locker-room talk… is employed as an excuse for blatant misogyny and predatory behaviour toward women, it at the very least calls for a robust rebuke from everyone associated with sport of any kind.
You don’t have to have a daughter, sister or wife to see why it’s so important we make it known to everyone – inside and outside the hockey world – that a culture once regarded as quaint or humorous is toxic and indefensible. When women are dehumanized and commodified and people choose to shrug it off as boys being boys, that’s when all of us, regardless of gender, need to step out of our comfortable existences and speak up so we leave no grey areas in describing what’s acceptable.
And make no mistake – any men who still believe women serve at their pleasure are unacceptable men. They have been for some time, as a matter of fact, but some of them refuse to relinquish that mentality. As if it were something to take pride in. As if it weren’t something that was going to look more horrific with each passing minute and every bygone day. As if that simple phrase – “locker room talk… – would stem the rising tide of anger, break the will and/or change the minds of everyone committed to equality.
This isn’t to say hockey stands out as having an especially egregious collection of those awful men. But we also can’t hide behind the opposite absolute and pretend they don’t exist in hockey locker rooms. The safest bet is that there’s the same degree of proportionality when it comes to sexism in the sport as there is in any other line of work. And if that’s true, there’s lots of work still left for us to do – and for men to play a role in ensuring the work is done.
That means honest discussions between hockey coaches and players at all levels about untoward remarks that objectify or demean women. That means listening to women when they tell you a particular action of yours leaves them feeling “other…-ized. That means no more “Cindy Crosbys… and “Sedin Sisters… wisecracks (they might be cracks, but they damn sure aren’t wise) that make one fan base feel good at an entire gender’s expense. That means significant punishments for domestic violence incidents. And that means taking responsibility for your own contributions to a culture that makes certain male public figures feel not only safe, but proud – proud – to be so vulgar and subhuman.
I’m trying to practice what I’m preaching. Like anyone else, I’m a product of my generation; when I was a very young and clearly dumb pre-teen, I owned copies of books called “Truly Tasteless Jokes… that in retrospect are reprehensible catalogues of just about the worst kind of racism and sexism you’ll see. I’ve phrased jokes and statements on social media in ways I regret and would change if I had the chance to do it over again. I’ve laughed – hard – at Married With Children's overt nonsense, Eddie Murphy’s blatant homophobic stand-up comedy and other entertainers who needed to drag someone down in order to push themselves up. To deny I’ve been complicit in some way would be to lie to you and to myself.
But I do think that, thanks to social media and increased empathy and education, I’m far more aware of the denigration that goes along with that crud, and I’m far better at not giving it my tacit approval in any fashion. And if I can figure out ways to make my actions match my awareness, I’d like to think I’m going to be a better human being than I was before. Not perfect, mind you, but better.
How do I do that? By having conversations with the men around me – family, friends, colleagues – and letting them know that treating women respectfully is vital and things we once may have found amusing aren’t amusing anymore. By having those same conversations with the women in my life, so they’re aware they’re not fighting these battles on their own. And by calling out structural and subtle misogyny wherever I see it, in the hope others do the same. That’s how better cultures are born.
The hockey world has taken so many tremendous steps forward regarding the eradication of homophobia, we’re at a point no one would dare suggest “locker room talk… makes acceptable anti-gay actions or words. It would be equally heartening to see fans, media and the game’s gatekeepers attack anti-female behaviour with the same verve and vigour.
Let’s be as straightforward as we can be: there’s absolutely no place in hockey or sport for the he-man women hater’s club.
And anyone who tells you otherwise ought to be in a locked room, not a locker room.