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Throwing Dirt At Each Rival Pacific Division Team

January 23, 2023, 7:22 PM ET [34 Comments]
Sean Maloughney
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • RSSArchiveCONTACT
The Edmonton Oilers don't play until Wednesday leaving me feeling a little bored. We are entering the dog days of the NHL season. The excitement of starting a new season has passed and we have not yet entered the excitement of the trade deadline and preparing for the playoffs. What to do... what to do...

How about throw some insults at the other teams in the Pacific Division?

1) Vegas Golden Knights

Ahh Vegas, you were once the beloved brand new child of the NHL. Despite leading the Pacific Division (for now) no one wants to talk about you because there is a new baby called the Seattle Kraken that is taking all the love away from you. The shine is off and you're being forced to the realization that you are not special and really outside of Vegas no one really cares about you.

Congratulations I guess for having Logan Thompson (aka a poor man's Stuart Skinner) make the All-Star Game and for having the 57th highest scoring player in the NHL in Chandler Stephenson.

2) Seattle Kraken

The good news with Seattle being a brand new franchise is that it's fanbase does not yet understand important phrases like PDO and SH%. Ignorance is bliss which will let you all enjoy this moment without realizing the ground is crumbling all around you. Guys like Jared McCann are scoring a goal on every fourth shot they take... fourth liners are scoring at a near 30 goal pace and you're getting excited about Martin Jones who is still a below 0.900SV% goalie.

You are young and haven't yet had to experience the harsh realities of the world. The adults all around you know what is about to happen but we are keeping our mouths shut and letting you enjoy your youth; blissfully unaware of the hardships you will soon have to deal with.

3) LA Kings

Show of hands, who knew that the Kings were still getting dinged just over 1 million in cap hit for Dion Phaneuf; a guy who hasn't played in four seasons? That is the Kings way though; paying really old players for far longer than they should be. Sure Kopitar is still great and Doughty is doing fine this season... but what about next year, and the year after that, and all the way to the 26/27 season when he is 38 years old? I thought Kupari, Turcotte, and Byfield were supposed to be these new core guys but I had to take a break scrolling down the Kings stats because it took so long to find them near the bottom of the list.

Oh, also you know your goaltending is bad when your fanbase is getting excited about a 31 year old Copley who has a 0.896SV% on the season. He is 31 years old and a UFA at the end of this season so I fully expect a 5 or 6 year deal in the works.

4) Calgary Flames

Obviously with Calgary being the Oilers fierce provincial rival, I wanted to find the meanest things I could find to say about the Flames... luckily there is a great source for saying bad things about Flames players in Darryl Sutter. Whether it's throwing his players under the bus, stating they had to "take a s**t" when they were actually dealing with a foot injury, or condescendingly reading a stat sheet and throwing cold water all over the first NHL game of highly touted prospect Jakob Pelletier, no one seems to hate the Calgary Flames more than their head coach.

Also, the fact that the Oilers are literally paying the Flames to play Milan Lucic in their top six brings me no end of joy.

5) San Jose Sharks

Wow... I thought the LA Kings were the poster child for overpaying old players but like everyone else in the NHL outside of San Jose, I forgot about the Sharks. The Sharks are at least a couple of years away from starting the rebuild. Logan Couture is 33 and signed at 8 mil until 26/27. Vlasic is 35 and signed at 7 mil until 25/26. Erik Karlsson is finally playing good which means you can now maybe trade him and the 11.5 mil he makes for the next 5 years and only retain 20% or so.

But hey, at least the future is bright with a long list of high end prospects like William Eklund and...uhhh....there is always hope for Bedard?

6) Anaheim Ducks

Anaheim is aware at one point the rebuild has to actually end right?! I mean, even the Oilers during their really terrible years could only put up with Eakins for a total of 113 games before showing him the door. He's been behind the bench in Anaheim for 210 games. 5 regulation wins all season?! The Blackhawks and Bluejackets have the second fewest wins in regulation with 10. You signed Klingberg to a one year deal, hoping to maximize trade value on him and now it's looking like you will need to pay someone to offload him.

Years ago teams were terrified of the big and scary Ducks... now their biggest fear is being on the other side of the highlight reel when Zegras scored a Michigan on his 11th attempt.

7) Vancouver Canucks

Hey guys.... no, no, no, don't cry I didn't forget about you guys I promise. I'm definitely not holding back... it's just that you guys are so...unique and doing so well that it's hard to find bad things to say. Your organization is a well oiled machine and certainly not a hellish apocalypse that people are actively trying to flee. You treat your employees, especially your coaches with dignity and respect... you're making excellent roster decisions... and the fanbase feels all warm and tingly, knowing their future is in good hands.

But this is a blog where I am being critical so I must do the same here... so ummm, you're third jerseys, the black skate ones are awesome and it is a crime that they aren't your main jerseys...so there.

If that was too mean I sincerely apologize... you are all just the best and we love and appreciate you.

Pacific Division, consider yourselves properly burned. I expect you to try and insult the Oilers in the comments section but honestly I have no idea how someone could ever find a way to insult the Edmonton Oilers.

Thanks for reading.
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