If you blog for an NHL team, it's almost automatic that you have to do a report card grading blog for each member of the team. There's nothing wrong with doing so: they give great reviews of the past season, they initiate discussion, and they can be fun to read. Plus, as a bonus to the blogger, they give you something to write about in the off-season, especially if it's the playoffs and your team is off somewhere golfing,which ironically is something you would like this blog to be able to help you to afford to be able do.
So I almost have to conform to convention. And I will, but instead of grades like A and B- (I'm not sure examples of grades were strictly necessary there) I am going to grade players based on classic albums.
If you don't know what an album is kids, it's how they used to release music - it is a singular artistic expression like a novel, in which the individual songs (i.e a sort of unalterable quasi-playlist) make up more than the sum of their parts. They are good because if you find one you can listen to all the way through then they are more interesting and rewarding than just listening to a bunch of random songs. Anyway, I digress.
We will start today with the centres:
Antoine Vermette
Vermette had a great year by anyone's standard. Sure, he had only 45 points in 82 games and he is now five years removed from his 65 points campaign with Columbus, but he scored 24 goals this year and was a solid all-round player.
Vermette was a go-to power-play player for the Coyotes this year, notching 13 points with the man advantage, only 2 less than supposed PP expert Mike Ribeiro. He also did it while getting 45 seconds, on average, less PP time than Ribeiro, per game.
On the PK, he was the team's leading option on forward, averaging third on the team in PK minutes. Yes, the PK was not very good this year, but that is more because of the wonky play of Mike Smith at the start of the year, the fact that Zbynek Michalek missed 20 odd games and because Smith then got injured for the final month. Vermette remains an elite penalty killing centre and face-off man.
The fact that he is versitile enough to move from his role as a premier third line centre into the teams de-facto number one centre (he lead the Coyotes forwards in ice time) means that he is an invaluable member of the team.
Going forward, Vermette will be 32 next year and if the Coyotes are willing to add some pieces so that he can be the 3rd line centre, then they should keep him because he is a great player to have. If they are going to maybe go young and not immediately try to compete for a title (highly unlikely) then they should move him for a younger asset.
For his great all round play and solid 24 goal performance, Antoine Vermette receives the rating of Tom Petty's 1981 classic record Hard Promises. This is because it is an amazing record, but probably not an all-time classic. Like Vermette's 2013-14 season, which is great by Coyote's standards, Hard Promises is one of Petty's best albums, but it's no Pet Sounds. Like Vermette, Hard Promises remains an under-appreciated commodity.
Mike Ribeiro
Signed last summer to what is now obviously a horrible four year deal, Ribeiro did nothing but disappoint this year. He put up 47 points in 80 games, was a healthy scratch, and looked like he didn't care much for a lot of the time he was on the ice.
For a team that probably won't spend to the cap, and which is short on high scoring forwards, there is nothing to do but go forward with Ribeiro because there is no utility in buying him out if you aren't going to spend to the cap anyways, and thus if you keep him, he wouldn't be preventing you from adding players anymore than buying him out would. Also, no one is going to trade for his contract and the roughly 17 million remaining on it.
For that reason Ribeiro is ranked as Nickelback's Silver Side Up: You used to like it a lot more back in 2003 and now you're kind of embarrassed to even own it, but if you can even find a second hand record store anymore, they would only offer you a dollar for it, so you're basically stuck with it. Also, just like the way in which you can still put Ribeiro on the PP and see some magic, you can still rock "How You Remind Me" in certain circumstances (as attendees to my recent birthday party can attest).
Martin Hanzal
Martin Hanzal put up a decent 40 points in 65 games, and kicked in 15 goals. The only problem was that he was injured for 20 games, like he always is. You have to go back to the 2009-10 season to find a year when Hanzal didn't miss around 1/4 of the schedule.
Due to his being a 6'6" 240 lbs. monster, Hanzal is probably always going to have nagging injuries, but I really hope the Coyotes don't give up on this guy. His size and scoring touch are both rare commodities and at 27 should just be entering his prime. Hanzal is a truly underrated talent that continues to frustrate because of his injuries.
Still, signed through 2017 at a 3 million cap hit, Hanzal is a bargain. He is not going anywhere and if he stays healthy there is no reason he and Boedker can't both put up something north of 65 points next year. (A figure that would have him leading the team this year by a mile).
So, the rating that Hanzal gets is the Cure's classic 1987 masterpiece Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. This is because, like Hanzal, Kiss Me is absolutely huge. A double album that is almost 2 hours long, Kiss Me is, like Hanzal, also very underrated. Despite it being a highlight in the catalogue of one of the world's greatest all time bands, Kiss Me remains a relatively inaccessible and unappreciated record by the mainstream public, owing to its massive length and lack of hit singles. Still, like Hanzel, it gets better the more you pay attention to it, and its potential is massive.
Jeff Halpern
Jeff Halpern averaged only 10 minutes per game, and yet he was the second most utilized Coyotes centre on the PK. This could be a reason why the PK was bad: Halpern is as slow as any player in the NHL, and perhaps by barely getting a regular shift the rest of the game, (outside of the PK he played about 2.5 minutes per 20 minutes period) he was not as effective as he could have been when put out on the second PK unit.
Honestly, Halpern is too slow to be effective in the NHL anymore. He has a great work ethic, and he is decent at times, but he is painfully slow, and has no offense to speak of. He is also 37 and an Unrestricted Free Agent. He will not be back next year.
His rating is any Van Halen record with Sammy Hagar. Since the only one of those I own is 1990's putrid For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, let's go with that. As in "what is this guy/record doing on my team/shelf and how can I get rid of it/him?
Not that I would ever get rid of a record, you understand, but you get my point. Halpern is easily replaceable by just about anyone capable of being considered for the job of fourth line centre, much like how For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge is easily bested by any other record - even one by Kid Rock - that you could choose.
Helpern is on the team for one reason only: he makes no money. He won't be back, and just like Sammy Hagar, he shouldn't have been invited in the first place.
This concludes my ratings of the centres. I am not going to bother with any of the guys like Brule who might have suited up at centre for a few games. I collectively rate them all as Bruno Mars i.e something I am not likely to bother with or care about.
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