In the spirit of the Christmas holidays and in my unending effort to spread joy throughout the land, here are some gifts that I would hand out today to members of the Leafs organization and the hockey world.
Mitch Marner – Since the only thing that Leafs Director of Player Personnel Mark Hunter thinks the 18-year-old prospect needs is to increase his strength, my present is the DVD set of the P90X Workout and a copy of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Pumping Iron….
Jonathan Bernier – To help out with his recent struggles with confidence, my present for Jonathan is the collected work of motivational speaker Tony Robbins and as a stocking stuffer a DVD copy of the movie “Mandela – Long Walk To Freedom.…
Nazem Kadri – An appointment with the best eye, ear, nose and throat guy in the GTA. It’s obvious from all the pratfalls that Nazem does on the ice, that he has a serious inner ear imbalance.
Here is #Coyotes defenseman Connor Murphy imitating Nazem Kadri's attempted embellishment. #Leafs pic.twitter.com/aKLwaNXzgW
— Michael Augello (@MikeInBuffalo) December 23, 2015Phil Kessel – Ten shares of stock in the Pittsburgh based H.J. Heinz Company, so that Phil as a stockholder can get a lifetime discount on their wide selection of condiments.
t’s better to give than receive—unless it’s Heinz, then receiving is pretty awesome too. pic.twitter.com/8Gzzd6XjYu
— Heinz Ketchup (@HeinzKetchup_US) December 16, 2015Lou Lamoriello – Not sure if the Leafs GM likes to use computers or tablets, but if he prefers writing or using a typewriter, my gift is a healthy supply of Liquid Paper to cover up the names of traded players on the Maple Leafs roster.
William Nylander – An assigned underground parking spot near 40 Bay Street (to be made available in September 2016), the ABBA Anthology and a year’s supply of Swedish Fish.
Mike Babcock - The DeLorean time machine from “Back To The Future…, so the Maple Leafs head coach does not have to go through the next 3 ½ months of pain and suffering and can fast forward to the prospect of having young talent like Nylander, Marner and a top five draft pick in 2016 to work with.
Joffrey Lupul - A year’s supply of calcium, glucosamine and chondroitin to help promote strong bones and prevent arthritis, to go along with an autographed photo of Samuel L. Jackson portraying “Mr Glass… from the movie “Unbreakable….
The Edmonton Oilers (a gift bought by myself and Gary Bettman) – A 2015-16 Western Conference playoff spot, the only thing that will guarantee them not winning the NHL Draft Lottery.
Brendan Shanahan - A copy of Donald Trump's "The Art of the Deal", which will help the Leafs Team President convince potential free agents like Steven Stamkos and Jimmy Vesey to sign with Toronto.
Steven Stamkos –
#NHL Jersey Fouls of the week: Lindros hipster; Ovechkin drink; Leafs getting Stamkos? https://t.co/fAE1dFnMI1 pic.twitter.com/FDA8P0pi8u
— Yahoo Sports NHL (@YahooSportsNHL) November 27, 2015Frankie Corrado – A promissory note for Mike Babcock to play him at least 15 minutes this season. (The fine print on the note reveals that the promise is to total 15 minutes for the rest of the season)
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!
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