If you're bored because the Coyotes are no longer able to disappoint you on a semi-nightly basis, I've got you covered.
This isn't one of those lame self-help blogs that tells you to take up some dumb hobby or passes on some hokey and obvious advice.
This is all about improving your life and making you a better person.
I could recommend watching old Coyotes, games, but the world is stressful enough - why would you do that to yourself?
Here goes:
Step 1: Shave that goatee, and burn those khaki pants.
If you still think goatees are cool, google "Nu Metal Images" and Clockwork Orange yourself until the truth starts to seep in.
If you still like to rock the khaki's ask your self one question: Is my name Eric Wright? Am I a real ____ ______ G?
If the answer to either of those questions is no, Khaki pants ain't for you, son.
Step 2: Get into Blade Runner
Drop $250 on the blu ray collection of Blade Runner that includes all five versions of the second greatest film of all time.
Voice Over?
Unicorn Dreams?
Is Decker a Replicant?
Why are there so many versions? The real question is why are their so few.
In french, they call it musique cosmique, but no matter what you call it, it's just rock and roll.........with 17 minute songs and some occasional weird sounds or chanting.
Can is a band that met their singer while he was busking.....he barely speaks English, but that doesn't stop him from singing in it.
The 1970s are filled with great music, but few artists made David Bowie jealous (I'm assuming, but he must have been).
Keep your street cred at an all-time high by getting into Can and making oblique references to songs that take up entire sides of the LP.
Step 4: Write a Hipster's Guide to the Apocalypse.
Publish it on your Phoenix Coyotes blog, and be as meta as possible.
Step 5: Tomas Pynchon
You don't have to be stuck in the house for days on end to enjoy Tomas Pynchon, but it helps. My favorite book is Against the Day, but they're all good.
If you like books that are 1100 pages and require you to google four things per page, then DM me, we should hang out.
Also, it's a great read - it's got the Chums of Chances, who are a bunch of straight edge weirdos with a talking dog who get around town in a Zeppelin.....it's got conspiracies, Tesla, time travel ( I think) and tons of sex, violence and and confusing asides that last for pages.
Doesn't sound like your cup of tea? Then why not check out Mason and Dixon, a 1000 page novel about the surveyors of the 1700s? It's also got a talking dog, so you can't go wrong.
There you go! The NHL might be on pause, but Tanner has got you covered - at least if you enjoy things that are very, very long and that guys who own cool belts call "rewardlingly difficult."