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Friction is part of the game of hockey. Many things are done in the heat of a game that, when taken out of context, seem much worse when the cold light of day hits them. Things get said, people get huffy, it usually amounts to a lot of nothing. The next time you see one another, it's usually forgiven. Maybe you talk it out years later, maybe not.

There are exceptions. There are some folks in this sport who lack remorse and self-awareness for things done in the heat of the moment. There a few who go behind your back. Thankfully, these people are the minority, but they are out there.

Both as a player and as official, if I was in a battle with a guy, I usually tried to take the high road afterwards. As a referee, I did it for the good of the game and for the fans who paid to watch. However, there were times where I dug in my heels and felt I was justified to do so in that particular case. That did not mean I "permanently had it in" for that player or coach. It meant that I felt they had to be held accountable for crossing the line.

Here is a case in point: When longtime NHL defenseman Colin White was a rookie with the New Jersey Devils, he pushed things too far with me one night. It ended up being a learning experience for him.

I called White on a tripping penalty that he felt was unmerited. The opposing team scored on the ensuing power play. Instead of leaving the box and skating back to the New Jersey bench, White refused to leave the box. He waited for me to come over to the scorer's table to report the goal, so he could berate me.

I knew what he was doing, and called his bluff. He continued to stay put. Now it was a battle of wills: Would he leave the box first, or would I skate over to the box?

The standoff continued. Finally both teams were lined up at the center ice dot for the next faceoff. Now I had to go over to report the goal, but I did a quick drive-by without looking at White. That was when the rookie decided to skate elbow-to-elbow with me.

White followed me to center ice and tried to rattle me by questioning my sexual preference, my physical equipment and my chosen position in the, um, louvre (sitting or standing?). Finally, I decided enough was enough.

I didn't holler. I simply glared at him and said, "You think I don't have [guts], huh? Think I'm a [runt]? Well, I've got [guts] enough to send you right back to the penalty box."

I called White for unsportsmanlike conduct. As Jackie Gleason may have said, "Away he goes!"

Now, Devils captain Scott Stevens approached me. I knew what he was going to say, so I pre-empted him.

"Scott," I asked. "Do you think I'm a gutless [runt]?"

"Is that what he said to you?" Stevens replied.

"Yeah," I said. "You know, it's funny. You and I have been on the ice together for about 18 years. I can't recall ever giving you an extra penalty. I like tough guys. I can take whatever gets dished out. But, tell me, who's this kid?"

"Don't worry about it, Stewy," Stevens said. "I'll take care of it."

Stevens skated over to the penalty box. He gave the rookie both barrels and then returned to the bench. He told Devils coach Larry Robinson what happened. Larry just turned and walked down the bench, shaking his head.

That ended up being a lesson learned for White about being a pro. I never had another problem with him. He went on to play 800 NHL games in a career that saw him win a pair of Stanley Cups. As his career progressed, he evolved into a team leader in his own right.

Epilogue: Not too long afterwards, I ran into Colin at a golf tournament at Winged Foot Golf Club in Mamaroneck, New York. Somewhere between the putting green and the pro shop, he extended his hand to shake and made it right. All was forgiven.

Colin turned out be a class kid. My first impression of him was not the be-all and end-all of my view of him as a player or a person.

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Paul Stewart holds the distinction of being the first U.S.-born citizen to make it to the NHL as both a player and referee. On March 15, 2003, he became the first American-born referee to officiate in 1,000 NHL games.

Today, Stewart is an officiating and league discipline consultant for the Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) and serves as director of hockey officiating for the Eastern College Athletic Conference (ECAC).

The longtime referee heads Officiating by Stewart, a consulting, training and evaluation service for officials. Stewart also maintains a busy schedule as a public speaker, fund raiser and master-of-ceremonies for a host of private, corporate and public events. As a non-hockey venture, he is the owner of Lest We Forget.

In addition to his blogs for HockeyBuzz every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, Stewart writes a column every Wednesday for the Huffington Post.
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