Sometime between Robert Ludlum Novels, and indulging my obsession with the Warron Zevon album
Excitable Boy, binge watching
Orange is the New Black and lamenting the impending loss of my favorite moderately priced seafood chain restaurant, I have been thinking about my pals on the Phoenix Coyotes and how they have the worst front line player situation in hockey.
Yes, I don't think I am releasing any classified info in telling you that Antoine Vermette on the top line is not something that can or should continue. Nor do I believe that Mike Ribeiero is a fit up there. In fact, I am about one plot twist away from believing that "Mike Ribeiro" is an imposter, sent to Phoenix under deep-cover, possibly in a "Mission Impossible" mask. How else do you explain his sudden drop in play?
Is it possible "Mike Ribeiro" is a birdwatcher from another organization sent to steal state secrets regarding how to draft and develop defenseman so effectively? Could it be something more sinister? Kidnapped by Gilbert Brule, who faked his retirement and posed as Ribeiro to finally get that first line shot he never got?
Nah, if that was true Ribeiro would have at least had a little grit to his game.
The bottom line is, the Coyotes can't go into next season with the offense they had this season or you can write-off their playoff chances right now. Sure, there is reason to expect improvement from both Boedker and Hanzal, and Domi and/or Samuelson may make the team out of camp, but this is not a lineup that is going to score a lot more goals regardless of what they do internally, even if a best-case-scenario unfolds.
This doesn't have to be what happens. The team may not be prepared to spend a lot of money, but they have a wealth of defenseman and there are quite a few options out there to improve the top lines. I previously wrote about Joe Thornton, but with his NMC ,a trip to Phoenix remains an extreme long-shot.
Statsny would have to be overpaid to the point where even Mike Ribeiro, or whoever he is, thinks so.
There is one option. It would require some black-ops type finesse to pull it off, but if he never worked for the CIA, Don Maloney at least looks like he could play a director in a Bourne movie (as, let's be honest, the only qualifications for doing so are that you are a middle-aged, grey haired, white-guy).
Operation Hyena-Laugh
Target: Jason Spezza
Caucasion, male,
Age: 31,
Height: 6'3
Weight: 220 lbs.
May be seen wearing a back brace.
Protocol: non-lethal
Jason Spezza is a career point per game superstar who is the big, grinding, cycling capable offensive centre the Coyotes have craved since........when did Jeremy Roenick retire?
The Coyotes cannot afford to let his availability go by without putting everything they have into getting him. Players of his ilk are rarely available, and they never come with such Coyotes approved conditions.
To Wit: Spezza comes with what (in the sequel) might become known as
the Coyotes Clause this means that he makes only four million, but his cap hit is seven million.
Also, he may possibly be acquired cheaper than usual since he only has a year left on his deal, and having spent his career in relative obscurity in Ottawa, he might enjoy the even more anonymous life of an NHL player in Arizona. Then there is the history of back problems which may further devalue him.
Of course, on the opposite end of the spectrum, his talent, his team friendly contract and a one year window to negotiate an extension might just serve to drive his value up. Not being in a position to say for sure, I leave it to the experts in the comments section to decide.
Either way: Operation Hyena-Laugh must be in full effect, beginning now. The target is obvious and he must be acquired. The Coyotes should be willing to part with Connor Murphy, maybe even Brandon Gormely to make this happen. Does Ottawa insist also on Samuelson and the 12th overall pick? If so, do it.
Let's just ignore the irony that it was the Coyotes who gave Ottawa the first line centre who made Spezza replaceable.
The Rundblad Document was not a successful thriller, but
The Spezza Memorandum promises to be different.
Thanks for reading.
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