Follow @james_tanner123 The first round of the Playoffs.
They come with spring, with a sense of excitement - that anything is possible. Things like the general public embracing fact-based rhetoric, or more than nine people reading my blogs, or me finally getting that book deal.
Yes, it's a new season, and for two glorious weeks it barely matters if your team made it. There is hockey on every night, usually a double-header, your MLB isn't yet mathematically eliminated from their post season, and all is right with the world.
Sure, in two weeks half the teams will be eliminated, you'll ask how you got yourself so emotionally invested in the Predators and you'll have to question your mid-week alcohol consumption, but for now, things are so bright and shiny and exciting.
Hell, I could even get a prediction or two right.
Assuming Brendan Shanahan doesn't call me for a job interview, I'll be right here typing away covering the NHL even though the Coyotes players will be roughly as interested in the Playoffs as anyone is in Major League Soccer. (Assuming the league hasn't folded and is still a thing that exists).
So let's get to it. Ladies and Gentleman, I present you the Vince Vaughn of Hockey Prognostication, the Thin White Duke of forecasting, the Tyrone Slothrop of the ice, if you will.......
Ottawa vs. Montreal
In my mind, the premier series of the first round. Despite the theatrics of the Senators Playoff run, the Canadiens only have about a five win edge throughout the season (which speaks to the parity of the Salary Cap Era) and aren't really the massive favorite it might seam like.
Take away the goalies and both teams are fairly even. Max P vs Bobby R. Stone vs. Galchenyuk. PK vs EK. etc etc etc. So when it comes down to it, who you gonna call? The AHL dud who's career is being confused with the script for Most Valuable Primate 2, or the best goalie to patrol the crease since Domink Hasek retired?
Pick: Montreal in 5
Detroit vs Tampa Bay
Did you know more cigars are made in Tampa than Havana? According to the short story I read yesterday, that's true. Did you know that that the Lightning have the oldest average fan base in the NHL? I just made that up, but it's probably true.
Rumor is, they might be changing their logo to a defibrillator shock-bolt instead of one that comes from the sky.
Anyways, look for the Red Wings to upset the favorites here. It seems like Detroit is a lot better, but actually they are only four wins better. So go with big D because, for Datsyuk and Zetterberg, they are so old that playing in FLA is practically a home game to them.
Detroit in six.
Pittsburgh vs. New York
How many songs do you know about New York? Like 80? And how many do you know about Pittsburgh?
So, basically New York gets tons of songs, it's the setting for everything...So while I am pretty sure the Penguins shouldn't be able to overcome the loss of Kris Letang and this goes against my formula for picking the teams, I will say Penguins in six.
Washington vs. the Islanders
First of all, shouldn't I be getting some kind of award for championing Ovechkin when it wasn't cool? Now all of a sudden he's good again?(He was always good, but we're using the Steve Simmons Barometer of Excellence here).
Anyways, the Caps are going to be taking down the nerds from Long Island. Oh and John Tavares is super overrated. I said it.
Just kidding about Johnny T being overrated. He's awesome. Sheesh, learn to take a joke. Just wanted to say one thing though: he's no OV and the Caps will win. In seven.
I'll be back with some picks from the West tomorrow.
Peace & Love,
Thanks for reading.