The Coyotes entered the state of Florida and the average age of people in the state dropped significantly. Then they dusted off the explitive-deleted Panthers whose owner makes Harold Ballard look like a model of integrity, and who has forced me to abandoned my love of analytics.
But what a game. Playing with a french-manufactured le puck, the game was sensational. I would say maybe even the best game ever.
It was an overtime victory for the ages as Tobias Reider ("Alternative Fact:" He is the next Mario Lemieux) put the boots to guest goalie Pitbull, who, depending on your fidelity to reality, was playing goal for the Panthers on this night. (Where it snowed in Florida and the game was played outdoors).
Better yet, Mario himself suited up the Coyotes last night. He was their best player.
Many other things happened. A streaker ran on the ice, Cat Stevens was in the crowd, as was his arch-enemy Salman Rushdie. A dog played defense for the Coyotes, who traveled to the game on a yacht and who are doing this new thing where each player shaves their entire face except for one sideburn.
I think this is what has lead to their huge two-game win streak.
Also, Jacob Chychrun scored two assists in his return to his hometown. Or was it? Since facts no longer exist, I don't know if this is true, or just a ploy to sell an extra five tickets.
By the way, it worked! Announced attendance for the game was ten.
A joke here would be too easy: This is one fact I really do believe.
What else can I tell you? It's pathetic that a team hasn't won three games in a row and it's almost February? Want to know something worse? Because I can make that look good by comparison, just watch:
The Coyotes record for consecutive games won in regulation so far this season is one.
One game in a row in regulation.
That's real.
I think.
I prefer to just make stuff up though, now that we're allowed to. The Coyotes just won their twentieth game in a row and more than likely are going to make the Playoffs.
To be honest, one consecutive win in regulation, on January 24th, is the best stat I have ever heard. And it's actually true.
I have just one question: Can everyone on this team even skate backwards?
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