As the Olympics are now upon us, hockey fans everywhere shift their focus from the NHL to men’s and women’s Olympic ice hockey. As a red blooded American, I will forever attach the U.S. men’s gold medal performance at Lake Placid, New York with the Winter Olympics. On their way to gold, a bunch of upstart college kids took it to the Russian Red Army pros and beat them at their own game under the watchful eye of coach Herb Brooks, a fellow Minnesotan. At the time, it was more than a huge win. It was almost a political statement in the middle of the cold war between the two countries. Later, the United States boycotted the Summer Olympics in Russia for political reasons. The Olympics now return to Mother Russia with the U.S. athletes participating. However, it is not without political controversy. Beyond the security threats of terrorism, perhaps the biggest issue is Russia’s anti-gay laws.

In law school, I learned about civil rights, the Constitution which governs all laws in the United States and the Amendments to the Constitution since it was written. Perhaps one of the most important amendments was the 14th Amendment and the Equal Protection Clause which provides that “no state shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

Why so important? Human nature and the evolution of our country both have a steep history of discrimination; keeping others down based on perceived or actual differences from that of the majority. Our great country has several black eyes from past discrimination of others based on sex, race and, now, sexual preference. But, what makes our country great is the ability of “We the People” to recognize past wrongs. Most often it is the next generation looking back at the previous generation’s treatment of those in the minority and correcting the clear and blatant discrimination.

The Constitution was meant to be an evolving document that changes with society, yet being a static document ensuring all peoples’ basic rights. And once again, at least in the United States, we are on the forefront of recognizing past wrongs and slowly, but surely, beginning to correct our mistakes of the past.

I had always thought that prohibitions against gay marriage violated the 14th Amendment and, specifically, the Equal Protection Clause of that Amendment. I clearly remember holding this opinion since, at least, the end of my law school tenure in 1995. When the political movement took root in Minnesota to overturn anti-gay marriage laws, I was fully supportive and voted against the anti-gay marriage laws and then in favor of gay marriage laws that followed. One of my kids, who is a former hockey player, a current lacrosse player and is now heavily involved in theater at the highest levels for someone his age here in the Twin Cities, wanted to show support for the gay rights movement. Naturally, I thought it was his way to show those he performed with who were gay that he supported them and their cause. Then, one evening, not too long ago, he came to me while I was working from home and told me that he was gay.

Honestly, it was a bombshell for me. I remember being extremely homophobic growing up, even while in college and early in law school. I then married a woman who was raised in an extremely conservative Baptist house and she helped me re-discover God and my faith. We then began having kids and growing our family. But, not without bumps along the way. After surviving a near death blow to our marriage, we continued to grow our family. All said, we were blessed with 6 kids. As a father, I never thought about my kids’ sexual orientation. I just figured that they would grow up; maybe get married, maybe not; maybe have kids, maybe not; and so on and so on.

The bombshell for me was that, in fact, I had all kinds of unspoken and unthought of assumptions about my kids’ sexual orientation and him coming to me with this news required me to go back to the very beginning and re-think all of those assumptions and to talk about them. We reassured him that, notwithstanding his news, we still loved him the same and we would figure this out together. We then had a long talk about all of the potential discrimination that comes with his announcement. We encouraged him to be honest with himself, us and his friends in school and we encouraged counseling in the event that he needed tools to deal with any newfound adversity that he might face.

Recently, another openly gay student in our school district received death threats over his being openly gay. Even prior to this event, someone wrote on our driveway that “God hates fags”. Really? Yes, really. Obviously, the people in our country, state and community still have a ways to go. However, I believe this hate to exist within only a minority of our community and overall population in our country. The kids in my son’s middle school, by and large, were unfazed by his announcement. There was not much teasing, not much ridicule, not much overt discrimination. His peers seem to get it. He is the same kid as he was before his announcement. He is absolutely no different than he was before he came out. Why should he be treated different? Perhaps the taboo of being gay and beliefs in our older generations is what holds us back. Perhaps this is the same thing that is currently happening in Russia.

Besides potential terror threats, this year’s Winter Olympics major political issue may well be Russia's anti-gay laws. So major is this issue that President Obama has decided to forgo attending the Olympics and, in his place, he is sending well known, openly gay athletes. Why? Because he gets it. Being a man of color, he understands what it is like to be discriminated against by the majority. As a sports fan, he seems to understand that, like with race, a person’s sexual orientation in now way changes who they are. If a world class athlete can compete at the highest level, he or she should compete. Thankfully, the NHL sees it that way too.

The NHL has recently teamed up with “You Can Play”, a sports oriented anti-homophobia advocacy group to provide tolerance training, formal anti-homophobia training for all incoming players, and implementation of programs into the league’s behavioral health program to give players a confidential outlet to discuss issues of sexual orientation. Both Commissioner Gary Bettman and NHLPA executive director Donald Fehr, not to mention the NHL management and players, are partners in the implementation of these programs and partnership with this group. Bettman refers to it aptly as part of the “NHL’s evolution”.

The “You Can Play Foundation” was started in the wake of one of the NHL’s most well known General Manager’s children’s tragic death. Brendan Burke, son of GM Brian Burke, came out at the age of 19 as being gay. But not before feeling the need to quit his youth hockey team given all of the anti-homophobic language and attitudes in the locker room. But it wasn’t just there that Brendan silently suffered the slings and arrows of such language. He also experienced it at home from his brother, Patrick, who would unwittingly joke about stereotypes in front of his then secretly gay brother, as well as casually using the word “gay” as an insult, not meant in a hateful manner, but no doubt received as hurtful. Upon coming out to his brother and swearing it on the Stanley Cup to ensure that it wasn’t a hoax, Patrick apologized to Brendan and Brendan forgave his brother. Brendan’s rough and gruff hockey executive father then did what would shock some in the hockey world. He embraced his son’s announcement, accepted him for who he was and joined him in Toronto’s Gay Pride parade. And why wouldn’t he? Because he was a hockey guy? This was HIS son. And while the apple may have fallen further away from the tree and likely challenged assumptions he held about his son, the fact remained that Brendan was still Brian’s apple and, like we all are to God, Brendan was the apple of Brian’s eye as all children are to their parents. In the most horrible of circumstances, a couple of months after coming out and living his life openly, his life ended in a tragic car accident, some four years ago now. And while his life was over, the impact he had on his family has carried over into his brother Patrick starting up the “You Can Play” foundation.

And while the United States and the NHL are slowly changing their own previously discriminatory cultures as sexual orientation is concerned, the host of this winter’s Olympics is not in the same boat. While it is unfortunate and borders on shameful as their laws are concerned, perhaps the best way to change their culture and their laws is how Patrick and Brendan Burke did it and continue to do it here at home. Through hard work, not shame.

As for me and my newly openly gay son, the shame is mine, not his. My shame stems from previous attitudes, words and judgments against people who I believed were so different from myself and my family. However, now that the veiled has been pulled back for me, it is my hope that my long held legal principles match my attitude and actions toward all people, regardless of anything that makes them different from me and/or the majority.

And slowly, but surely, our great country is beginning to change as witnessed by the new gay marriage laws passing in multiple states and as evidenced recently on the Grammy’s where Macklemore was performing his hit song “Same Love” and suddenly, during his performance, 30 couples were shown getting married. Straight, gay, lesbian. It didn’t matter. And isn’t that the point of his song? Isn’t that the point of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment to our Constitution? Isn’t that how it should be for my son? You love who you love. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. You don’t necessarily choose those things at their most basic levels. And while it may be different from you or I, it shouldn’t be a difference that is used to discriminate against others.

The question isn’t whether a person is straight or gay, the question is whether they can excel at the highest level, whether they can play. So, to my son, I say this. You are mine. I love you and am very proud of you and your decision to live your life out loud and in the sun. Don’t let anyone rain on your parade. Be proud of who you are, always, as we are of you. And, above all else, in everything you do, be excellent and excel.

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