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Omark's Return and the Theory of Inverse Warmth

August 27, 2013, 4:46 PM ET [409 Comments]
Ryan Garner
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • RSSArchiveCONTACT
If you aren’t surprised by the Edmonton Oilers this week, you must not be paying attention. Just four days after agreeing to mutually terminate the contract of Toni Rajala – a 5-foot-10 fourth-round Scandinavian winger who averaged roughly a point per game in the AHL – the Oilers agreed to a one-year, two-way contract with Linus Omark – a 5-foot-10 fourth-round Scandinavian winger who averaged roughly a point per game in the AHL.

Omark played a total of 65 games with the Oilers during the 2010-11 and 2011-12 seasons, recording eight goals and 22 assists, but opted to spend the 2012-13 season playing with Zug of the Swiss Elite League. The news of Omark’s return reminds me of an experience from my past that helped me formulate my Theory of Inverse Warmth.

Two years ago I began dating a woman we’ll call “Gertrude.” Sorry for choosing such an ugly name, but it’s the first one that came to mind (and apologies to anyone with a mother named Gertrude.) We had gone out for drinks a couple times and got along well, so one night I invited her to dinner. She agreed, and I selected a nice little restaurant in San Francisco that I was sure she would enjoy.

We were seated, and after being given a few minutes to look over the menu our orders were taken. Gertrude ordered a vegetarian dish: couscous garbanzo salad. Now, I’m a man who lives my life one meat-based meal at a time, so I ordered the ribs. It turned out to be a fatal mistake.

When our meals arrived I promptly bibbed myself and dug into some succulent ribs. I had gnawed one of the bones completely clean before I looked up and noticed a stunned, repulsed look on Gertrude’s face. “I’m vegan, and that is completely disgusting,” she said, rising from her chair. “I just can’t do this, I have to go,” she said, and walked out of the restaurant, bringing our date to a sudden end.

Three things dawned on me at that moment: 1) Prior to the date we had never discussed dietary restrictions, 2) ribs were quite possibly the worst thing I could have ordered in the presence of a militant vegan, and 3) I was finishing my meal… and hers. The ribs were fantastic. The couscous garbanzo? Let’s just say I don’t seek it out on restaurant menus.

We didn’t speak for about a week afterward, but the following week Gertrude and I went out on another date. Why? Why would I attempt to resume a relationship with her after she left me alone at a table of ribs and couscous garbanzo? I’m not proud of it, but it’s the best justification I can offer: Gertrude was super hot. Thus, the Theory of Inverse Warmth was born, which states that the hotter a woman is, the more craziness you’ll endure to be with her.

The Oilers have experienced both outcomes in the Theory of Inverse Warmth this week. In the case of Rajala, who many fans have stated was “super hot” after coming off a strong 2012-13 season, the Oilers weren’t willing to deal with the craziness and cut him loose. Omark left the Oilers with their own table of ribs and couscous garbanzo after the 2011-12 season. However, he’s back in the fold because he’s “super hot” after scoring 69 points in 48 games for Zug last season.

Omark fills the void left by Rajala, and actually presents a better option when you consider his previous NHL experience. He should come into training camp with a good shot at securing an NHL roster spot. The Oilers’ offensive depth dries up considerably once you get past their top seven forwards (Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Yakupov, Gagner, Perron, Hemsky) and Omark should be given an opportunity to prove that he can fulfill the promise many expected from him two years ago.

But perhaps the most encouraging news for Oiler fans is the fact that Omark has agreed to a one-year, two-way deal. That contract allows the team to take a wait-and-see approach, rather than tying any significant hopes to the shifty winger playing a pivotal role with the NHL club. Time will tell if the Omark experiment works, but at least the Oilers have reduced their chances of being left alone at the table with their ribs and couscous garbanzo.

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