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Exclusive Craig MacTavish Interview |
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Keeping in fine tradition with my "Steve Tambellini after the NHL Draft" interview, I present to you my "Craig MacTavish after the 2013 NHL Draft" interview. As you can see, I asked bold questions, and received several bold responses.
Richard Cloutier: Hi Craig MacTavish. How are you feeling about being the Oilers GM so far?
Craig MacTavish: I hate it. I really hate it. This isn’t at all what I thought it would be like.
RC: So what exactly were you expecting?
CM: Chicks. Endless amounts of chicks. Every time Steve Tambellini went somewhere, you’d see five or six different women on his arm. Mostly members of Octane who were younger than his sons. When I heard the Oilers were looking for a Tambellini replacement, the first thing I thought to myself was, I need to get me some of that. Chicks, not Tambellini.
RC: That’s outstanding. Hey, before the draft, you and Oilers King of the World Kevin Lowe spoke about a number of bold moves that could occur at the draft. What happened?
CM: What, the drafting of Darnell Nurse wasn’t bold? Caught you sleeping, you moron. What did you think I was going to do, take the Russian kid? Where do you get your information from? Sometimes, me and Bucky sit in my office and laugh until we have tears running down our faces while reading your blogs. I mean, worst hockey blogger in history, and he happens to cover the Oilers. What are the freakin’ odds?
RC: And why did the Oilers take Nurse, even though the team has far more decent D prospects than at any other position?
CM: We took Nurse because he’s tough. Same reason we hired Dallas Eakins. Same reason we’re about to bring back Steve MacIntyre, Zack Stortini, and my mama’s cookin’. You need to keep in mind that the reason the Oilers lose more games than win is because we’re not tough enough…or deep enough, or have enough talent, or have enough players who care about winning…One problem at a time, I guess. People don’t need to worry about Nurse changing things next season…he’s at least two full years from the NHL. Nothing is going to change in Edmonton. That's not just the city's motto, it's mine too.
RC: Everyone wants to know where the bold moves were. So what happened?
CM: There were no bold moves. Come on, quit bringing this up. You know and I know there were never going to be bold moves. But we certainly generated lots of interest, didn’t we? Had you glued to your chair the entire draft. Even into the 2nd and 3rd rounds, when the entire show is rubbish, you were still sitting there, waiting for a bold move to happen. If only you could see your face right now. Have a pork chop, fatty.
RC: Can you tell us what happened with the potential Braydon Coburn deal?
CM: Yeah. Pronger. Coburn has a No Trade Clause, and Pronger told him the women in Edmonton are all ugly. That more or less ended the discussion. Say what you want about Pronger. Seriously, say anything. You won’t get an argument from me. The guy is a creep.
RC: So the Flyers weren’t responsible for the deal falling through?
CM: Hey, you know and I know the Flyers are the worst run franchise in all of professional sports. There was a soccer team in the UK that went bankrupt that was run better. The reason the Flyers haven’t dealt Coburn yet is because they’re still waiting to see if Nashville is matching the offer on Weber. I don’t know who owns those Flyers, but he must be a bored billionaire. No one just gives away money like he does.
RC: What’s happening with Shawn Horcoff?
CM: Oh no, not him. I thought I told you no questions about Horcoff! Look, I’ll level with you, no one wants him and Daryl Katz is broke. There, I said it. Finally, the secret is out. He’s not going to buyout Horcoff, because we can barely afford to keep the doors open as it is. We’d trade him, but, you know. There’s not much of a market out there for 3rd line centers who are paid like 1st line centers who have attitudes worse than most player agents. Unfortunately, he’ll keep playing for the Oilers for the next two seasons.
RC: And what about Ales Hemsky?
CM: We have about seven deals on the table for him, but we’re just going to hang on just a little bit longer just in case someone increases the offer by a 7th round draft pick. We’ve waited this long, we might as well stretch this out until the trade deadline, just to see what happens.
RC: Are there free agents you are targeting?
CM: Nope.
RC: What do you mean, “nope”? This team is full of roster holes.
CM: Yep.
RC: Is that yep, there’s roster holes, or yep, you plan on filling them?
CM: Nope.
RC: You’re starting to sound like Jay Feaster.
CM: You’re starting to dine like him.
RC: Lets move on to next season. So if the Oilers aren’t going to make deals to bring in immediate help, aren’t going to draft immediate players, and aren’t going to get any UFAs to sign up, what kind of team do you expect to have this season?
CM: The usual. Seriously, is this interview over soon? I have a 1:30pm hair appointment.
RC: Just answer the question.
CM: Fine. We’re bringing back Linus Omark. There, you happy? Linus Omark and Toni Rajala on a line with Mark Arcobello. That’s a line for us next season.
RC: At the 2012 draft, the Oilers went in with a strategy to pick big wingers. To draft by positional need. In 2013, you drafted a bunch of forwards, and the Oilers broadcast team said you were preaching skill. How would you rank your draft performance?
CM: On the whole, not very good. I mean, that Nurse guy, for starters. You have no idea what a nag Stu MacGregor is. He nagged, and nagged, and nagged, and nagged about Nurse all week. We took him just to shut Stu up. As for dealing the picks to get plenty of lower picks, we did that just to teach MacGregor a lesson. The guy is cocky…he came to the draft with a list of only 17 players, much like Flames scouts did. By the time the third round ended, MacGregor’s list was empty, and we were laughing our asses off about it at the Oilers table. Then Slats came over and offered us cigars and scotch, and the entire afternoon got out of hand. We were slammered while MacGregor was sweating like a Frenchman in a rainstorm.
RC: I see the Oilers issued qualifying offers to six players. Who are they?
CM: I’m not qualified to answer that.
RC: You moron, I have the list right here. You didn’t qualify Teubert, Plante and Peckham. Why?
CM: Because we drafted Darnell Nurse. Haven’t you been paying attention? We’re much tougher now, regardless if Nurse plays in the NHL next season or not. We don’t need those clowns anymore.
RC: The Teubert thing has to sting a little bit.
CM: Why? It’s not like the Colin Frasier deal where we gave away a quality player to get someone who can’t even skate.
RC: We’re at the end of the interview. Do you have a message for Oilers fans?
CM: Yep. Be patient. Change is coming. Big change. Huge change. The most massive change in the history of change. It’s going to make all my bold moves from the draft seem like little, tiny, insignificant things. Just wait to see what we have in store for this team. You won’t even recognize it a year from now. Keep buying tickets. This team is going to amaze you.
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
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