Dear Gary,

Before I begin, I just wanted to say that I really hope one of the many monkeys you've hired for this extravagant circus you're running make it their top priority that you see this letter. I'd hate to see it get lost in the shuffle, or possibly wind up in that windowless room where you keep all intelligent voices of reason employed by the National Hockey League under lock and key.

Alright, G-Betts, let's just get right to it. Matt Cooke. Zero games. Can't say I'm a bit surprised. Colin Campbell reminds me an awful lot of Paula Abdul during her days as a judge on Idol. Just so darn passive and easy going, and always emitting that whole....oh what's political correctness at this point....moron vibe, ya know? You've, ever-so wisely, appointed this knucklehead as the ultimate decision maker. Even in a no-brainer situation like this, with malicious intent and a lengthy list of priors, Coli the Clown elected to let the inmates continue to run the prison.

I'm not sure who the best hockey-zealous comparable would be, but if Campbell is superglued to his desk as the Head of Hockey Operations, or whatever other undeserving title he can lay claim to, there's gotta be a ying to the yang, a Simon to the Paula. Screw it. Just bring in the real deal. I can picture it now.....

*Colin Campbell and Simon Cowell watch the Matt Cooke replay*

CAMPBELL: "That's what competitive hockey is all about. Battling. Being physical with your opponent. I didn't see any intent to...."

COWELL: "Ugh that was one of the most dreadful, abominable displays of sportsmanship I think I have EVER seen. Just wretched."

I mean for crying out loud Gary, if not Simon...at least get a buffer like Randy to join the crew.

*Matt Cooke has his hearing at the league's office*

COOKE: "C'mon Randy you KNOW I didn't mean to hurt him. I swear!"

*Cooke looks on anxiously. Randy makes his typical half frown before throwing his hands in the air and pausing for an obscene amount of time*

RANDY: " ....I'm sorry, dawg."


Enough is enough. The league's credibility is repeatedly getting spun down the bowl and flushed out to sea with every moment of inaction in the face of what may one day prove to be not just life-altering, but life-ending incidents.

Is that what it will take for you and your good pals to finally take notice, the loss of a life on the ice? Do 17,000 present and potentially millions watching at home have to witness a fatal head shot before the league finally, at long last, firmly puts it's foot down to expunge this kind of behavior?

What kind of message is being sent to the Boston Bruins, a team that received little-to-no justice in previous similar situations? Shall they recreate the championship game from Slap Shot? Should Shawn Thornton pull a Reggie Dunlop and put a bounty on Matt Cooke's head? Would that tickle your fancy?

Or maybe you'd like a second serving of some Steve Moore style justice. Nothing wins over fans and draws in sponsors more than when a player becomes maniacal and barbarically crushes an opponent's spine. Then, like you crazy cats always do, you can step right in and slap the offender with a gargantuan suspension in your effort to help the league save face.

But tell me, Gary. What happens when you're face to face with the family member of a National Hockey League player who has seen their loved one paralyzed, due directly to your unconscionable stupidity? What on earth are you going to muster up when someone wants answers for the death of their father, son, brother or husband on the ice?

Please, don't look at Randy for an answer. "I'm sorry, dawg" won't cut it.

Regards,

JC

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