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Funayama and The Ice Girls: A Stark Contrast

August 13, 2008, 7:01 PM ET [ Comments]

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"The fact is, women are in chains, and their servitude is all the
more debasing because they do not realize it."



- Susan B. Anthony -


Ah, the oh-so-sensitive topic of women in sports. That Susan B. Anthony, she was really onto something. Anthony, a primary speaker, organizer, and writer for the 19th century women's rights movement, died in 1906, 14 years before the 19th amendment gave women the right to vote.

I'd like to know, in lieu of the quote above, what Susan's take would have been on this
particular announcement from the Boston Bruins:

BRUINS ANNOUNCE 2008-2009 ICE GIRLS TRYOUTS


BOSTON, MA - The Boston Bruins announced today that tryouts for the Boston Bruins 2008-2009 Ice Girl team will be held on Sunday, September 14th at 9:00 AM at the TD Banknorth Garden.

Registration for applicants will open at 8:00 AM at the TD Banknorth Garden. Participants will be asked to perform a short solo dance, as well as sit with judges for a brief interview to showcase their personality. They will also be asked to skate if they are able to, however, skating ability is not required and can only enhance an overall application. Candidates will be evaluated on the six categories of Charisma, Energy, Personal Appearance, Poise, Communication Skills, and Bruins Knowledge.



As I read on, I found a link that further detailed the tryout requirements:


Dress Requirements

* Proper dance attire is required. Please be dressed appropriately for the audition. No jeans, t-shirts, or loose fitting clothing is allowed. Suggested attire would showcase body figure and movement.
* Hair and makeup should be performance ready. It is recommended that hair be worn down.
* Dance sneakers or shoes are required.



So right off the bat, let me get this straight (all "you must be hot to get this job" jokes aside, for the moment): The Ice Girls....DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SKATE? Huh? Yes, I know, the term "ice" is used loosely as some of these gals parade through the Garden promoting various endeavors. But aren't they also the ladies responsible for skating out onto the ice during stoppages to wave, smile, and maybe scoop a little excess snow into a barrel bearing the spoked-B ?

Well jeez, why don't we all go apply to jobs we are incapable of doing. I could go work at Larry's Auto Maintenance Center....

LARRY: Pleased to meet you. So what kind of experience do you have fixing cars?

ME: None at all, actually. I'm more of a computers kind of guy. I watched my ex-girlfriend replace my windshield wiper fluid once though.

LARRY: Uhh, alright. A real manly man I see. How about car parts?

ME: Honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between a brake pad and a piston, or a carburetor and a muffler.

LARRY: Well that should just about do it then. When can you start son?


Wait...that would never happen.

In short, with this criteria, the Bruins are simply asking young, attractive, bubbly 20-somethings to come be eye candy for a sea of misunderstood fans. We don't crave eye candy, not that it's unsightly by any means, but we just want something...someone....that adds to the overall hockey experience.

Girls trying out for the role (if you feel compelled to, remember - tight clothes, heavy makeup, show off the goods) surely understand it's all in good fun, and feel neither enslaved or debased. I'm sure having over 10,000 fans hoot and holler at you is quite the ego boost. But it's just another victory for Beauty in it's perennial battle vs. Brains.

FUNAYAMA REPLACING ROB SIMPSON

Thankfully NESN seems to have pulled off a very rare feat, given the network's history, by hiring knowledgeable female correspondent Naoko Funayama to replace Rob Simpson. Funayama seems to be passionate about hockey (having covered the sport at the NCAA and AHL levels). She's so passionate that according to my thesaurus, the antonym of Naoko Funayama is Kathryn Tappen.

Why can't all female journalists, reporters, and bloggers be this way? Why do we have to be subjected to pretty faces who neither know nor care about the topic at hand? It's insulting to us, as fans, and surely a thousand times more insulting to females in this business who do, in fact, unconditionally love the game they get paid to cover.

While the ever-goofy Simpson and his quirky ways will be missed, Funayama should be a welcomed addition to the broadcast. The former WMUR (New Hampshire) reporter is very familiar with the Boston area. She received her graduates degree from Boston University and even runs a youth hockey program, SCORE, in the Boston area.

NESN may blindly think they've satisfied my male needs yet again (as if Tappen and her dashing ensembles are not enough). But no matter how long Naoko Funayama's legs are, how shiny her hair is, how white her teeth are, or how dazzling her eyes may be... I still only care about one thing....

Does she know her stuff? Thankfully, it seems, she does.
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